Coercive Measures
by practical cynicism
Summary: For years, Lily and James shared a mutual enmity that was never lost between them…but what if they were forcibly dragged, kicking and screaming, into romance? Makes for quite an interesting relationship, don’t you think?
1. Rumor Mills

**Coercive Measures**

**By Dimantrien**

**Summary: **For years, Lily and James shared a mutual enmity that was never lost between them…but what if they were forcibly dragged, kicking and screaming, into romance? Makes for quite an interesting relationship, don't you think? -

**A/N – **You've heard the same old story—Lily and James loathe each other to the deepest pits of hell, but after a lot of _coincidental_ encounters, they start to think, hey, he's/she's not so bad after all…and then they fall in love and live _happily ever after. _Or at least, until Voldemort merrily goes to murder them, the psychotic git. Well then…I guess the plot of my fic applies that same succession of events, but then again, isn't that why it's called _love/hate_? With the ever-growing number of Harry Potter fan fiction, it takes a brilliant and creative mind to churn out an idea that is, in its entirety, _original. _So, I've decided to try out something wherein Harry Potter's pater and mater create quite a hilarious spectacle by being coerced into more-than-platonic relations. I might not be up to scratch with originality, but innovation still counts for something, doesn't it?

Dedicated to all the lovely people who read and supported my other fics…and to those who pointed out that I hadn't been writing L/J stories lately…hehe, you know who you are! XP

The idea of this story was inspired by Meia's HemuLoki MLR fic. Cheers to her.

**Chapter 1: Rumor Mills **(in which Lily and James find out that denial doesn't get anybody anywhere)

It was yet another typical September day in Hogwarts. The ceiling of the Great Hall perfectly depicted the raging storm outside. Students who had Care of Magical Creatures as their first class were rejoicing the cancellation of that day's lesson, and were heading back to their respective dormitories to have a bit of a lie-in. Others, who weren't as lucky (especially those who had Potions in the freezing dungeons first period), were left in the Hall, eating their breakfast with eyes half-closed. As it was still the first week of class, students were still adjusting to the early waking time.

Except for one student. This person confidently strolled into the Great Hall, hazel eyes wide awake and alert behind his glasses, a smug smirk curling at the corner of his lips. He was carrying something behind his back, heading in the direction of the Gryffindor table, or more specifically, toward a red-headed girl sitting with her friends. He caught bits of their conversation as he neared.

"Your head's in your toast, Midori," Raine Sumner was saying, her pale blue eyes shining with amusement as she addressed the girl beside her and across the redhead.

Midori mumbled something in a language that her two companions couldn't quite decipher—or maybe it was just gibberish. She raised her head slightly, a few crumbs clinging to her shoulder-length black hair. She blinked, as if just realizing where she was. "Yeah, well, this plate's kinda soft."

Raine raised an eyebrow at her and the redhead laughed. "Do you _want _birds to make a nest out of your hair? You do realize that McGonagall's making us do cross-species switches today, and she's bringing ravens to class," Raine said dryly, swatting at the Oriental girl's hair in an attempt to shake off the bread crumbs.

"I don't remember her saying anything like that, and I would assume that you don't either, as we were both busy trying to exorcise that mad ferret we were supposed to turn into a squirrel," Midori replied, gingerly picking up her toast and taking a bite.

"Unlike you, I actually listen to what the teachers are saying, no matter how horrendously boring it might be, and I definitely heard McGonagall saying that—right, Lily?" Raine prompted, glancing at the redhead.

Lily opened her mouth to respond, and at that moment the hazel-eyed boy behind her stepped forward, cutting her off and making the trio look up at him.

"Good morning, ladies," he said pleasantly, his eyes roaming over all of them before settling on Lily, whose mouth had curled into a scowl.

"'Morning, James," Raine and Midori said in unison, at the same time Lily coolly asked, "What are you up to now, Potter?" Her two friends exchanged weary looks and resumed eating.

"Why do you always assume that I'm planning something terrible?" James asked, a look of feigned hurt on his face.

"It probably has something to do with the smug expression that seems to be permanently glued on your face."

"He doesn't look so smug to me," Midori remarked, and Lily shot her a "_not_ helping" look.

James grinned at Midori before looking back at Lily. "You should really learn to keep that temper of yours in check, Evans. Anyway, I just came here to give you this," he said in what seemed to be genuine sincerity. He was holding out a red heart-shaped cardboard box.

Lily glared at the box as if it had the hidden intention of biting her hand off once she touched it. The bespectacled boy before her shoved it into her arms before she could protest. He could hear her counting quietly under her breath. When she reached 100 (and when it seemed like half the school had glued their inquisitive eyes onto the two sworn enemies who were caught in a rather unusual Valentine's Day-like scene), she opened the box and predictably, there was chocolate inside. The note on the label read "strawberry-filled."

The redhead forced a smile. "Potter, you shouldn't have."

"Oh, don't worry about it. I wanted you to have it."

"No, you _really_ shouldn't have. How did you know I was allergic to strawberries?"

James smirked, letting fall his innocent façade. "I have my sources," he replied, apparently pleased with himself. He turned around and walked off, calling over his shoulder, "Enjoy the chocolate!" with an arrogant wink.

Lily threw a withering glare after him, all in futility as he already had his back to her. She tossed the offending "gift" rather roughly onto the table and huffily sat back down. "I hate that git," she muttered as Midori grabbed the box and started devouring its strawberry-filled contents.

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"Hey, did you hear about Potter and Evans?"

"Yeah, saw them this morning…"

"I never expected—"

"No way, those two are always at each other's throats…"

"He gave her _chocolates…_"

"Well, they _do _spend quite a lot of time together, come to think of it."

"Right. And 99.9% of that time is spent shouting and throwing hexes at the other so…"

"I guess there's a first time for everything."

"I can't believe we hadn't noticed it until now…"

"They make a cute couple though, don't they?"

"I knew there was a reason they always stayed behind during the prefect meetings…"

"Potter and Evans _what_?"

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Lily was starting to become peeved with the constant whispering that commenced whenever she passed by. It felt a lot like a gust of hot wind brushing through her skin accompanied with simultaneous hissing, and after her little encounter with James, it would suffice to say that she was royally pissed off. The thing that riled her up even more was the fact that she had no idea what the hell everyone was talking about, and for what godforsaken reason it had anything to do with _her. _

Occasionally, though, she would receive a knowing smile from random people in the hallways. Some girls, whom she immediately recognized as Potter's worshippers, greeted her with a death glare instead. She was sure she hadn't done anything to deserve that…yet. She didn't recall disfiguring any part of Potter's person in the past few days, nor anything else that might merit her a fresh black mark on their records.

Her temper was at its limit, she knew, but she couldn't blow up at just anyone, so she decided to go straight to the source to let it all out. She spotted Potter coming out of the Ancient Runes classroom, surrounded by fellow seventh year students.

"Congratulations, James," a blonde girl in pigtails whom Lily recognized as a Ravenclaw was saying, nodding in James' direction before heading on her way.

"Yeah, didn't know you had it in you," a guy from Hufflepuff added, grinning at him.

"Gee, thanks," James replied, obviously basking in all the attention.

As Lily neared them, a cocky guy from Ravenclaw glanced at her, smirked, then slapped James on the back. "Potter, you lucky _dog._" The rest of the group became aware of Lily's presence, and after a few more congratulatory claps on James' shoulder, they dispersed, some of them winking at Lily as they passed.

Lily couldn't take it anymore and went up to James, grabbing a fistful of his tie and forcing his face to be level with hers. "What the _hell _did you do?!" she screamed at him, unable to mask her extreme irritation any further.

James looked honestly confused, though that didn't stop his face from forming into a scowl when he was so rudely forced to uncomfortably stoop down (he was a lot taller than the redhead, after all) to Lily's convenience. "I didn't do anything to you!" he replied defensively. He paused. "At least, not since this morning."

"Well, that probably has something to do with it!" Lily shrieked, thoroughly annoyed with his clueless expression.

"Something to do with _what?"_James asked, starting to become annoyed himself. Why was he still stooping down, anyway? He quickly straightened up when a wide-eyed fourth year Hufflepuff saw them within three inches of each other's face.

"Are you an idiot? Why is everybody whispering whenever I step within a five-meter radius of them? Why do they keep throwing me winks? Why do they give me sly looks when they think I'm not looking?!"

James made a huffing sound as he straightened his tie. "I don't see why I should be solving _your _problems. I'm sorry if you have some trouble dealing with paranoia and your absurd insecurities, but really, you didn't need to confide in me," he said sarcastically.

"Don't play dumb with me, Potter. I _know _you have something to do with this. Why else would everybody congratulate you?" Lily demanded.

This time James looked genuinely puzzled. "As a matter of fact, I was just wondering myself."

"You mean you don't _know_ why they're congratulating you?" Lily asked incredulously. The raven-haired boy shook his head. "Then _why _do you keep thanking them when you have no bloody clue what they're talking about?!"

James shrugged. "What? It's only polite."

Lily threw her hands up in the air. "Ugh! You—are—a—complete—_moron_," she seethed. After a moment, wherein she appeared to be muttering a mantra under her breath (James could barely hear it, but it sounded a lot like "I will nothex stupid prats, I will not hex stupid prats…"), she took a deep breath and roughly grabbed the cuff of James' sleeve, dragging him down the corridor.

"What are you doing? Let go of me," James demanded, unable to pry off her tight grip on his school robes.

"_I'm _going to try to get to the bottom of this, and if I'm going to suffer for it, then you should, too," was her reply.

"Oh so sadistic," James remarked sardonically, giving up on trying to pull away from her, and ignoring the fact that he was succumbing to his worst rival's wishes.

By lunchtime, in the Great Hall, Lily Evans and James Potter found out that they were dating.

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"So, Stebbins, remind me why you were congratulating me again?" James asked the Hufflepuff, prompted by Lily's fixed glare on him.

Jonathan Stebbins looked at him as if he were asking the obvious. "Why, to congratulate you on your relationship, of course," he responded plainly.

"Whose?" James asked, baffled.

"Yours," Stebbins said, looking like he was fighting the urge to roll his eyes.

James couldn't understand. "Er…who?"

_"You," _the Hufflepuff answered again.

"With _who?_" Lily stepped in, her temper starting to flare again.

Stebbins stared at her for a moment before his face broke into a grin. "Come on, you don't need to hide it. This isn't the kind of thing people like you two should be so modest about. 'Sides, the whole school knows already; did you really think you could keep something this big from everyone?"

There was a deadly silence, before…

**_"WHAT?!"_**

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All eyes followed the spectacle of Lily Evans dragging James Potter by the tie as they exited the Great Hall.

"Wow. Evans seems to be really in control of things, doesn't she?" a sixth year remarked to his friend.

"She's a feisty one. But I reckon that's the way Potter likes it."

"The great James Potter on a leash? I don't think so. Must be a constant battle for dominance…"

"They'll probably still be at each other's throats. Restraint isn't exactly one of their strong points."

"….. Did you mean that literally or figuratively?"

"_Don't_ even go there."

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Nothing was going well for James that day. Well, maybe he got a moment's satisfaction from seeing the look on Evans' face when he gave her that box of chocolate, but he was really starting to regret that now. Especially since one of the adverse results included being dragged around by his tie. Oh, and being mistaken for Evans' suitor-turned-lover. By Merlin, was all of Hogwarts blind or just plain stupid?

"Ow!" he yelped as Lily gave a particularly hard tug. "Will you stop _doing _that? I can walk by myself just fine, you know." He finally wrenched her hand off his tie and started massaging his aching throat, muttering about hot-tempered redheads with homicidal tendencies.

"What are we going to do?" said redhead exclaimed, panic laced in her voice. "I don't _want _to be paired up with you. This is all your fault, Potter!"

"Do you think _I'm_ happy about it? Who wants to be stuck with a wench like you?" James retorted, still sour from the abuse on his poor neck.

"If you hadn't pulled that stupid stunt of yours this morning, we wouldn't be having this problem in the first place," Lily shot back. She looked out over the lake and seemed to be pondering whether she should jump in or not.

"You don't need to be so melodramatic about this, Evans. All we need to do is tell everybody the truth, then we can go back to hating each other in peace," James said.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Since when did I stop detesting you, anyway? Come on, let's just get this over with so I can rid my mind of all the horrific images involving both of us in more than platonic terms."

James couldn't suppress a smirk. "Why, I never knew that you think about me _that_ way, Evans," he remarked slyly. "Maybe those rumors aren't entirely off-base—"

Lily calmly pocketed her wand again after performing the Silencing Charm, shooting James a look of utter disdain before stalking back to the castle. After James' highly amusing mime imitation (which involved a lot of furious flaying of arms and rude hand gestures), she finally muttered the countercurse. After all, he wouldn't be able to help her talk to the other students about their preposterous presumptions if he didn't get his voice back.

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"We _aren't _going out."

"Yeah, for once she finally said something right—_ow, _Evans!"

"Where was I before this pighead interrupted? Oh yeah, so you see, this is all just a big misunderstanding…"

"Pretty obvious, just look at what she did to my foot! Would any sane girl do _that _to me?!"

"…You are such a weakling, Potter. Stop acting like a wimp and say what we really came here for."

"Obnoxious co—_ouch, what the bloody hell did you do that for?! _Er, as this bi—I mean, _beautiful _cough girl was saying, we are _not _dating, never have been dating and never _will _date anytime in the near-and-far-off future. Okay?"

"……….."

"……….."

"Er, is something wrong, you two? Sorry if this idiot isn't making any sense, but I assure you that everything I said was completely true…so…you'll help us spread the word, right?"

"……….."

"……….."

"What is _wrong _with you fourth years? Is there something you didn't understand with what we just said?! Oh, and let me just correct you that contrary to Evans' twisted belief, everything she says isn't exactly true…like that comment about me being an idiot… Don't think I didn't resent that, Evans…"

"Don't scare them away! Oh, you two, don't listen to this git… And I wasn't lying when I said you were an idiot, Potter… In more ways than one—"

"What did you say?! Take that back, wench!"

"I'm not going to take back something that's _true! _And don't you call me a wench!"

"Ha, who's denying what she really is, now? You—AAAAGHHHH! You'll pay for that—"

"……….."

"……….."

"Wow, I didn't know there was a spell that could make crickets come out of your ears!"

"Shut up, Livingston, and let's get out of here before we get caught in the crossfire…"

"You don't think they were serious about what they told us, do you?"

"It's called _lovers' quarrel_, you dolt. Look it up."

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"Any more bright ideas?"

Lily and James were both lying down on beds in the hospital wing, both with misshapen body parts to some degree. The school nurse had managed to get rid of most of the curses but James was still nursing a limp extra arm attached to his right shoulder, and Lily was occupied with trying to ward off the bright red snakes that mingled with her hair.

James scowled. "Well, at least I _had _an idea."

"Yes, but if the result of that idea meant being stuck here like _this, _then maybe it would have been better if you hadn't gotten the idea _at all_."

"I don't see _you _thinking of anything, Miss I-Know-Everything-You-Insignificant-Scum-Go-Bow-Before-My-Feet."

"How…creative, Potter. Have any more interesting titles to share? Unfortunately for you, I have developed immunity against your childish pseudonyms since fifth year. You'd be wasting your breath, but if you want me to have a good laugh, then go right on ahead."

"…..I really, _really_ hate you, Evans."

"The feeling's mutual, Potter."

They were silent for a while, until Madame Clementine came bustling in, dumping a horrid-looking potion on Lily's locks which instantly killed the snakes (and almost Lily, too, from the smell) and dissolved them. She then proceeded to amputate James' extra arm with a complicated wrist action and a swish of her wand. _"Scourgify," _she muttered, pointing at Lily's dripping hair, and simultaneously a bottle of shampoo and two seemingly invisible hands started rinsing the top of Lily's head, washing the goo off and emitting a sweet scent.

"Having fun, Evans?" James remarked with a sadistic grin as he watched Lily wincing.

Lily glowered at him, but it was kind of hard to look intimidating when her hair was piled up on her head, topped with running shampoo foam. Her ridiculous situation elicited a snigger from the raven-haired boy. She threw her wand expertly at him, hitting his nose dead center.

_"OW!" _

"Can you stop goofing off now? In case you forgot, we still have a huge problem on our hands, and you're not helping."

James sobered up and looked thoughtful for a moment. "D'you think, if we pushed them hard enough, they'd believe us and stop acting like rumor-hungry gossipmongers who don't leave our personal lives alone?"

"Potter, they _always _act like rumor-hungry gossipmongers who don't leave our personal lives alone," Lily replied sarcastically.

"Yeah, but…they're bound to lose interest in this rumor soon… I mean, they have no basis and you don't _seriously_ think _they_ actually think that _we're_ going out…"

Lily groaned. "You never fail to remind me why I call you an idiot."

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**A/N – **Like it? Hate it? Oh I thought so… In any case, be a good reader and review…


	2. Sopping Wet

**Coercive Measures**

**By Dimantrien**

**A/N – **I'm so sorry about the confusing dialogue thing! I didn't check the preview and I only found out recently about 's paragraph bunching problem…there was supposed to be asterisks dividing the different scenes but for some unknown reason eats them…and triple spacing doesn't work either. Not to worry, I've fixed it now (I think). Right. On with the fic…

**Chapter 2: Sopping Wet **(in which both parties get drenched a lot)

It was noticed that Lily and James were spending quite a lot of their time around each other. It was also noticed that whenever they did, they were usually found (or not, as the case may be, but one assumes that when both are missing, they're probably together) somewhere secluded or remote, like on the far side of the lake or in an unused classroom. This recent observation fuelled more interesting "information" about the "couple," and naturally, more and more people noticed…or rather, assumed and believed, that their Head Boy and Girl were involved in a deep and more than intimate level of attachment.

It was _not _noticed that said couple's main purpose of escaping from the rest of the world was to hide from nosy rumor workers who instantly jumped to the conclusion that when a boy and a girl walk side by side in the halls, they were apparently very active and frivolous bed partners.

So obviously, their plan didn't exactly work, and in fact they just made their problem worse. A more accurate term to correctly describe their course of action was "backfired." This resulted in a heated argument on who was at fault, which seemed to be their favorite topic the past days.

"We seriously need to put a stop to this," James said, slumping down against the trunk of the ash tree they were currently under. He was quite tired of fighting; the novelty of watching Evans' face turn beet red in anger was starting to wear off.

Lily snorted in an unladylike manner, plopping down next to him. "Tell me something I don't already know."

"I could, but if I did, it would take me hours and I would just be wasting my breath trying to make your pea-sized brain take in the vast amount of facts of which I am exceedingly knowledgeable, and I would mar your ignorant conviction that your mind is superior to mine," James responded in mock thoughtfulness. "Not that I care, of course," he added as an afterthought.

Lily rolled her eyes and sighed. "Don't start, Potter. My voice is in danger of becoming hoarse from shouting at you all afternoon."

James smirked. "Ah. Is that an elusive tactic to prevent me from thinking that you don't want to argue anymore because you've already run out of articulate insults to throw at me?"

_"Potter."_

"Fine. Geez, Evans, ever heard of lightening up?"

"Of course I have. It just isn't a phrase that I associate with being in your presence." Lily stood up and stretched her arms. "Maybe we should just ignore everyone and keep away from each other as much as possible. People seem to formulate quite a number of theories about what…things…we do when we're within a five-foot radius of each other." She had a thoroughly disgusted look on her face and it was clear that she didn't think very highly of what the other students were recently discussing about them.

"We tried that already, remember? Then they just said that we were just taking time to 'cool off' and that we were sacrificing our time together because we were afraid that we're 'going too fast'…" James objected dully, implying that he didn't think much of their lowerclassmen and classmates' conjectures either.

Lily sighed (she noticed that she was doing that a lot lately). "I give up. When I get desperate, I'll wipe off everybody's recollection of the past two days with a Memory Charm."

"Considering everything we've already attempted, I'd say that idea isn't half bad," James replied.

"You know, that's the first time I've heard you agree with me," Lily said, smirking at James, who instantly looked like he regretted what he just said.

"I wasn't _really _agreeing with you. Desperate times call for desperate measures, and if that means resorting to your dangerous and downright farfetched ideas, then…"

"Whatever you say, Potter." Lily started walking away, following the shore of the lake.

James stood up as well. "Hey, where are you going?" he called out, jogging after her.

Lily glanced at him as she resumed her pace. "Telling them that we never went out in the first place won't work. I'm going to start a rumor that you accidentally drank a love potion and fell madly in love with me, and that I valiantly tried to ward you off to no avail. Then the potion wore off and you, being the idiot that you are, started to regret drinking the suspicious-looking pumpkin juice that your equally crazy best friend handed you the day before."

"_What? _Why do _I _have to be the one who ends up looking like the idiot? If you ask me, _you _should have been the one who drank a love potion that your friends gave you just for laughs, because normally, _girls _are the ones who are into those kind of things and—hey, come back here!" Lily had broken into a run and James followed in hot pursuit.

"Come on, it's just a stupid rumor, remember? It's not true anyway, so take it like a man," Lily yelled over her shoulder.

Unfortunately, the split-second lapse in her concentration on running away caused James to catch up with her (he prided himself in being just as fast on foot as on riding a broom) and push her toward the surface of the lake beside them.

Lily started to fall and, with quicker reflexes than would have been expected of someone like her, grabbed onto James' right arm, dragging him with her.

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"Well, _that_ was embarrassing," Lily finally said after a long silence as they stood dripping wet beside the lake, watching the retreating form of Albus Dumbledore.

"It wouldn't have happened if you didn't drag me with you when you started to fall into the lake," James pointed out, wringing out his soaking robes.

"It wouldn't have happened if you didn't push me into the lake in the first place," Lily retorted as she wrestled with the duckweed in her hair.

"Well, you provoked me to do it. Besides, it was just instinct. You would have done the same," James said calmly, finally realizing that there was no need to waste his energy wringing out his clothes when he could dry himself with a simple charm. "At least it was Dumbledore who saw us."

They pondered this for a while, thinking of their Headmaster's twinkling eyes and how he amusedly admonished them that they should be a wee bit more modest and at least do that kind of thing _inside _the walls of Hogwarts, preferably in the privacy of the prefects' bathroom.

"I never knew the Headmaster was capable of such risqué comments," Lily said dryly, although there was a faint tinge of red on her cheeks.

"I think I saw him _wink _at us."

"I think I'm scarred for life."

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James trudged back into his dormitory room that evening (he and Lily had stayed outside the castle all afternoon, afraid of running into the Headmaster), his stomach aching with hunger. It was only now that he noticed that he hadn't eaten anything for the past six hours, which was a miracle by his standards. _Note to self: Keep away from Evans to avoid starvation. _Yet another thing to add to his list of Reasons Why Lily Evans is a Bane to Mankind's Existence™ (RWLEBME™).

A massive blurry black object shot out toward him out of nowhere and knocked him, flat on his back, onto the carpeted floor. The "object" put its humongous paws on his chest and started drooling all over his face.

"Ugh! That is _disgusting, _Padfoot! Get off me!" James yelled, struggling to free himself from the huge dog's weight. Remus Lupin and Peter Pettigrew stepped into the doorway and the jet-black hound calmly stepped off him and transformed back into the grinning form of Sirius Black.

James grabbed the nearest piece of cloth (the bed sheet of Remus' bed) and started ridding his face of dog slobber. Remus, being the neat freak that he was, violently ripped the sheets from James' hands. Peter couldn't suppress a snicker.

"It's just _sheets, _Moony, at least you don't have it all over your face," James said with a scowl, grabbing the blanket on the bed right beside Remus' (Peter's). Now it was Peter with the horrified look on his face. Remus cackled.

"Prroooonnngggsss!!!!!" Sirius exclaimed, pouncing onto his best friend a little too enthusiastically and causing them both to land on the floor in a tangled heap. James wondered briefly if he would eventually become a paraplegic from being subjected one too many times to Sirius' spine-endangering hugs.

"What?" James answered, annoyed. His back was starting to ache rather painfully from the impact. He was thankful that the floor was carpeted; he didn't like to imagine what kind of agony he would have had to go through if it was just plain, hard cement.

"You're such a good friend, Prongsie! I know that that tightwad Lily Evans always keeps us from executing our best pranks, but you didn't have to get her distracted with a relationship with one of us so that we can get off scot-free! And you hate her so much, too! You were willing to make the ultimate sacrifice so that the glory of Hogwarts' most commendable mischief-making group will live on! You're the best friend in the world!" Sirius exclaimed.

James groaned and pushed Sirius off him, standing up quickly in case his best friend decided to tackle him again. "Look, Padfoot, I'm not—"

"Fear not, your noble sacrifice shall not be in vain! We're going to have a prank fest, we've already piled up the list of things we haven't been able to do because Lily kept catching us and threatening disembowelment and psychological torture if we didn't stop…..but now that she's your girlfriend…"

"She's _not_ my g—"

"…we can do them all at once! And I'm sure that she won't punish us, as she's fallen madly in love with you and will do anything you want…"

James sighed in exasperation and shot Remus a look, and the latter quipped, "Too much sugar."

"So magnanimous…and righteous…and selfless…and…"

Peter, after listening to Sirius' raves about James' altruism, looked at James in awe. "Wow, I didn't know you were doing it so that we could pull pranks without getting into trouble," he remarked, impressed. Remus stifled a laugh.

James glowered at...the three, in general. He wanted to whack Peter upside the head for his own gullibility, he wanted to pull an Evans and cast a Silencing Charm on his annoyingly hyperactive and suddenly vocabulary-rich best friend, and he wanted to pelt Remus with pillows and any other safe-to-throw objects to wipe off the amused smirk on the werewolf's face. Unfortunately, he couldn't do all three things at once. Decisions, decisions…

Finally, he settled with the fourth option, which was Walk out of the room without a single word. As soon as the door slammed shut, Remus let out the chuckle that he had been holding in and Sirius stopped his dramatic monologue.

"Hey…where'd Prongs go?" the latter asked.

"He said that he was going to go distract Lily while we do some of the pranks you were telling us about," Remus answered nonchalantly.

Sirius' eyes were teary. "Oh, the lengths that our dear comrade Prongs will go through to aid us in our mission of spreading discord and havoc upon the depraved and iniquitous Slytherins…" Apparently the twenty-five extra-large chocolate-chip cookies he ate were still in effect.

"I never realized how nice James really was. I mean, I know he's really nice but I didn't know he was _this_ nice…" Peter was saying in awed tones.

"Wormtail, you shouldn't believe everything that Padfoot says…" Remus said patiently. He was highly entertained by this whole affair, seeing as he seemed to be the only one in the school (apart from Lily and James themselves) who was rational enough to deduce, from very accurate observations from the past seven years, that there was no way that the two rivals would willingly embark on an actual serious relationship.

Peter's face broke into a confused frown. "You mean Prongs likes Lily for real?"

"Of course you should believe everything I say! Every word that comes from these lips is accurate…well…unless it has something to do with making excuses to McGonagall when she discovers a new prank…in which case the things I pronounce are _almost _true—"

Remus just shook his head as Sirius launched into his own endearing qualities which included virtuous honesty and the instinct to give the unjust (in his case, the Slytherins) the punishment that they deserved. The werewolf made a mental note never to believe anything that Sirius said after he had imbibed copious amounts of sugar into his system.

He wondered how Sirius, who was just as smart as he was (although not as stable-minded -), could possibly believe that James really did get together with Lily (even if he had his own theories on why his best friend had done so).

He didn't wonder why Peter was so gullible; that was his friend's innate weakness and Sirius sometimes worked that to his advantage.

He just wanted to see how things turned out. After all, it wasn't everyday that you saw the perfect James Potter tripping over his feet because of one of mankind's most dangerous weapons: word of mouth.

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The seventh-year girls' dormitory room in the Gryffindor Tower was relatively quiet, save for the rhythmic sound of a thick book repeatedly colliding with a human head.

"Lily, I really think you should stop now," Midori Aoyama commented, not looking up from the book she was reading on her bed.

WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.

"Doing that will make you lose a couple of brain cells, you know," Raine added as she scribbled on a roll of parchment.

WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.

"Of course, it has _some_ advantages. Your head will be able to endure more forceful blows in the future, which will be a big help when someone wants to knock you out," Midori said thoughtfully.

_WHAP, WHAP, WHAP._

Raine shot Midori a look. "Don't encourage her."

"I wasn't. I was merely pointing out the bright side of things."

WHAP, WHAP, WHAP.

"If you keep doing that, you will become so stupid that you will actually consider really falling in love with James Potter," Raine told Lily sharply.

WHAP, WHAP, WHAP?

Lily lowered her copy of _Hogwarts, a History _and turned to glance at her friend, her eyes slightly glazed over from all the blows she had inflicted on herself. Raine shot Midori a triumphant look.

"So what? Mentioning the J-factor has already been proven 100% effective," the Asian girl said in an unimpressed tone, flipping to the next page of her book.

"_Please_ stop saying things that will remind me of that prat," Lily practically begged, giving up on the history book.

"Why? He's your _boyfriend_, isn't he?" Midori answered innocently, stifling a giggle.

Lily rolled her eyes. "Oh yeah, he is, isn't he? Gee, how could I have forgotten that? I was _only_ trying to erase the image of his smug face from my memory by whacking myself repeatedly on the head and focusing on the _pain,_" she responded sarcastically.

Midori dropped the book she was reading and turned her full attention to her friend. "Oh, is _that_ what you were trying to do? Hate to break it to you, but you can't get amnesia by trying to make a dent in your copy of _Hogwarts, a History_ with your skull."

"I don't get why you hate him so much. I think James is pretty much a likeable guy," Raine commented, finishing her essay and rolling up the parchment she had been writing on.

"That's because he doesn't 'accidentally' spill ink on _your_ three-foot essays right after you finish it, or give you strawberry-filled chocolate with the intention of making you get rashes from eating it," Lily answered darkly.

"I liked that chocolate. Tell him to give you some more," Midori piped up. Lily shot her a look. "What? You might as well take advantage of it."

"If he gives me any more sweets, no matter what the hidden intention, the school's just bound to devise more sentimental crap stories about how Potter and I are madly in love with each other," said Lily.

Raine sat up on her bed. "Well…if they think you two are together now," she said slowly, "why not just stage a breakup in front of everyone and be done with it?"

Lily stared at her for a moment as if she'd never seen anything quite like her before. "Raine, you're a genius! Why didn't I think of that?"

"You were probably too busy making out with James," Midori said offhandedly, earning herself a pillow in the face.

"This whole thing is finally going to be over! I'm going to go talk to Potter right now!" Lily declared, beaming at her blonde friend before sprinting out of the room. Her footsteps echoed as she went down the spiral stairs.

Midori picked up her book. "I never thought I'd see her get so excited to talk to James Potter," she remarked, eliciting a chuckle from Raine.

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"You didn't have to drag me the whole way here," James said irritably as he and Lily stood under the tree they had been occupying earlier in the day. "Now everybody's saying that I'm the good little whipping boy who comes at his girlfriend's every beck and call—"

"Stop whining. I've found the solution to the mess we're in," Lily announced. She paused. "Well, technically, it was _Raine's_idea, but since she's my friend…"

"Just get to the point," James interrupted in annoyance. After leaving his all-too-insane friends, he had been on his way to the kitchens to grab a bite to eat since he missed lunch, but then Lily just _had _to deprive him of his much-needed nourishment by taking him back here, saying that they had to discuss a matter 'of the utmost importance.'

Lily stuck her tongue out at him. Such a mature, refined young lady. "I was getting to that. The thing is, we have to break up."

James stared at her like she did with Raine, but it wasn't in awe of her brilliance at thinking up such a plan. "What the hell are you talking about? We weren't even together in the first place. Did you lose yourself in the same world of inanity as the rest of the Hogwarts population?"

"No, you dimwit, I meant that we have to _stage _a breakup," Lily explained slowly, as if speaking to a child who refused to believe that B came before C.

"Oh. You should have said it more clearly," James said in comprehension, trying to save face and glaring at Lily's I-can't-believe-you're-_that_-daft expression. "So, when should we do it?"

"As soon as possible, of course," was Lily's immediate response. "I don't want to be stuck with you for more time than what's necessary, which in my opinion is absolutely no time at all."

"I'm so flattered that you have such high regard for being in my company," James said snarkily.

"Well, I aim to please," Lily countered in a saccharinely sweet tone. They glared at each other for a moment, before James realized something.

"Wait a minute…which of us is going to dump the other, and who's going to pretend to be the sniveling victim?"

They exchanged scrutinizing looks for a moment, before Lily said, with conviction, "Of course I'm going to be the dumper. There's no way I'm going to act like a clingy, pathetic bimbo."

"What! It should be _me_; _I'm_ the one who suffered more here, what with everybody thinking that I'm already wrapped around your little finger!" James exclaimed in outright indignation.

"All the more reason why you should be the one who gets dumped. You're going to pretend that you can't go on without me, and you're going to grovel on your knees, asking me why I'm breaking up with a loser like you—"

"There's _no way_ I'm going to be on bended knee in front of _you, _Evans!"

"And hell will freeze over before I bawl my eyes out because of _you, _Potter!"

They glowered at each other, eyes narrowed into slits and jaws clenched, before both exploded at the same time:

"_I'm_ going to dump _you_!!!"

"Stop being such a chauvinistic pig!"

"Me? You're the one who's putting yourself up on a pedestal above everybody else!"

"Have you looked in a mirror lately? Who's the egotistical thinks-he's-God's-gift-to-Quidditch cocky asshole?"

"Oh yeah? Who's the uptight thinks-she's-an-angel-of-justice-down-on-earth prissy goody-two-shoes?"

"Bullying prat!"

"Bratty princess!"

And this was how they spent the dwindling minutes before dusk, until a roar of thunder interrupted their highly intelligent conversation.

"Looks like it's gonna rain," James commented as they looked up at the darkening sky, which was gathering up unfriendly-looking gray clouds.

"No shit, Sherlock," Lily replied, now in a thoroughly sour mood because James was too immature to hold a normal conversation—one that would help them sort out the problem they were in and give her the peace of mind she had been craving for so long.

There was absolutely nothing about James Potter that would give anyone peace of mind. Unless the person was mentally unstable in the first place. That kind of peace of mind would be a little twisted.

"Whatever. _I'm_ still dumping _you_, and that's that," James said in an infuriatingly authoritative tone, as if that settled the matter.

Lily opened her mouth furiously, and what would have been Round Two of Who-Dumps-Who was halted by the sudden barrage of bullet-sized raindrops upon them. She shrieked as the ice-cold water came into contact with her skin, and the two of them started running the long way back to the castle, arguing (what did you expect?) all the way.

"If you just stopped hurling childish insults at me, then we would have finished long before this downpour started!" Lily snapped as she stumbled along the slippery grass.

"Well, if _you _hadn't gotten the stupid idea to go back outside the castle when you knew full well that it was the rainy season, then we wouldn't be running like this in the first place!" James shot back heatedly, agilely avoiding the hazardous puddles at their feet and smirking whenever Lily skidded along, trying to regain her balance.

Lily scowled at his unnecessary show of superior coordination. "You were the one who said we should think of some way to end all this! If you just _listened_ to me then we wouldn't have to be in each other's presence up until now!"

James stopped running, eyes filled with an unparalleled flame of ire at the redhead, before it flickered and died. He sighed as if defeated. "You're right, Lily. I'm really sorry. If you want, then you can be the one who dumps me," he offered, his expression suddenly sincere.

Lily stared at him in disbelief before narrowing her eyes calculatingly and deciding whether he was being sarcastic or not. He just called her by her first name, for Merlin's sake! "What are you—"

"This is stupid. Why are we running from the rain when we can just use magic to repel it? Here, I'll do it," James interjected, pulling out his wand and pointing it at Lily. He muttered an incantation under his breath and Lily abruptly felt the rain stop pounding over her whole form. Then James put a Drying Spell on her before doing the same thing to himself. "Shall we head back?" he asked, an uncannily placid smile on his face.

For some unexplainable reason, Lily shivered, despite the previous spells placed upon her. "Potter, you are seriously freaking me out," she said before turning tail and running back to the castle ahead of James.

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The next day, James and his friends were sitting at the Gryffindor table, eating breakfast. They were unnaturally early, because of an even more unnaturally cheerful James who told them that he wanted to get there as soon as possible 'to see Lily.' Sirius had been lecturing him incessantly the previous day when he came back to the dormitory, admonishing him not to spend too much time with Lily and 'doing naughty stuff' else she would see right through him and figure out his deceitful plot. Peter was blatantly gawking at James with stars in his eyes, still hung over with James' 'humble self sacrifice.' Remus merely smiled his pleasant I-know-what's-really-going-on-but-I'm-supposed-to-be-a-nice-guy-so-I'll-just-torture-you-subtlely smile and placed a few smart comments about James and Lily's wonderful relationship.

James hadn't flinched _once. _And today, Remus was baffled and Sirius was fretting about the possibility that maybe James was caught in his own trap and starting to _really _fall in love with Lily Evans because even with all his valiant efforts his distinction of what was real and what was fake was starting to fade rapidly.

James smiled serenely and continued eating his bacon and eggs, commenting on when Lily would finally grace him with her presence.

He got his wish. The peace of the Great Hall shattered like a broken glass when a high-pitched scream pierced the air.

**_"JAMES POTTER!!!"_**

****

Every head turned in the direction of the entrance, where one livid Lily Evans was standing, apparently scanning the Hall for the person whose name she had just shouted loud enough for the people in Australia to hear. James waved cheerfully to her and she stalked toward him. Everyone could practically see the flames trailing in her wake.

"Hello, my sweet flower. Nice day, isn't it?" James said rather amiably, appearing genuinely innocent to the redheaded girl's concerns.

"You awful—do you remember the Water-Repelling Charm you put on me yesterday?" she seethed, glaring daggers at him.

James cocked his head to the side as if he were recalling the events of the previous day. "Of course I do. You were all wet from the rain. You might've caught a cold, you know, and I was only worried about your health." His nonchalant smile only served to infuriate Lily further.

"Oh, that's rich, Potter. You were being _thoughtful_. Well then, God help us all the day you decide you want to be a philanthropist and try to 'help' innocent people," Lily replied scathingly.

"What are you talking about?" James asked, smile never wavering.

"Don't pretend you don't know, you idiot! I went into the shower this morning, and _guess what happened?_"

There was silence and it seemed like all the people in the Great Hall were holding their breaths (which they probably were). James' face broke into his trademark smirk. "Oops. My bad."

"Don't you 'My bad' me, Potter! Take off the stupid charm _now, _I've done everything and I still couldn't get so much as a drop of water on my hand!" Lily shrieked at him.

"I thought you were the Charms genius. Why don't you do something about it instead of whining to me?" James was enjoying this immensely.

"Because I know that only someone like you, who has a sick, twisted mind, could possibly come up with a counter curse for this! _Take the charm off now, _or I'll make sure that you will seriously regret it!" Lily shouted.

James shrugged and attempted an apologetic expression (which wasn't very convincing, but that wasn't the intention anyway). "Sorry, princess, but it's a tricky spell. You just have to wait it out until it fades completely." He looked thoroughly pleased with himself.

Lily narrowed her eyes. "For how long?"

"Hmmm," James said, looking solemn for a moment. "A week," he answered gleefully.

Lily forced him to stand up by pulling viciously at his tie (she was starting to develop a sadistic pleasure in using the piece of fabric to attempt to strangle the boy). She pulled him so close to her face their noses were almost touching. "You are asking for _death_, Potter," she said, her voice low and threatening.

James' eyes twinkled and he smirked. "Bring it on." And the two of them strolled calmly out of the Great Hall. Several moments later, all could hear the sounds of sparks colliding with each other, unnatural popping noises, and a number of colorful expletives that will not be written in detail here.

Albus Dumbledore merely smiled, his blue eyes twinkling. "Ah, young love," he said, as Professor McGonagall and a few other teachers hurried to restrain the Head Boy and Girl and put a stop to their impromptu duel.

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**A/N – **It's my birthday today! So if you want to make me happy, give me a review - No, seriously. I'm now officially fifteen years old. BTW, I warn you now that I might take longer to update from now on. Too much stuff going on in school and stuff. We even have _Saturday classes. _Tomorrow. Ugh. Stupid admin. I'm going to make this story short, about five to seven chapters at most, I think. Unless I come up with something ingenious (which I probably won't). Thanks to all the people who reviewed the first chapter; I didn't expect that much feedback to this humble fic of mine…not that that's a bad thing. Till next time.


	3. Operation Break Up

**Coercive Measures**

**By Dimantrien**

**A/N **– To the person who asked about the cm cm cm things… they were used to divide the different scenes because doesn't want me to use asterisks or other special characters. Stands for the title. Sorry if it was confusing.

Thank you to everyone who wished me a happy birthday! That day certainly was fun, if you should know. My friends were the one who threw a party for me instead of the other way around…nyehehe…XP

**Chapter 3: Operation Breakup **(in which it is revealed that all students have selective hearing)

Lily cleared her throat, scanning the room and the activity of every person in it. The seventh year Gryffindors were situated in the Charms classroom, and Professor Flitwick was sick (actually, he got in the way of a particularly strong Reduction Spell while trying to stop Lily and James' impromptu duel that morning, and was currently stuck inside a glass jar for safekeeping inside the hospital wing). For this reason, the class was ordered to have an 'independent study' which, in simpler words, was translated to 'do whatever you want s long as you don't blow up the classroom.' Sirius Black showed his superiority to the concepts of independent study by lighting a couple of Filibuster Fireworks and blowing a hole straight through the middle of the blackboard.

Amidst the chatter of several different conversations, Lily and James stood in the center of the room. Lily was looking a little sick, and James was glaring at her.

"Can you _hurry up? _I don't have all day to do this, you know," James hissed at her.

"Um…right," Lily said distractedly, temporarily occupied with glowering at their classmates, who weren't paying the least bit of attention to the,. Lily cleared her throat again and arranged her face into what she hoped was a regretful expression. "Look, Po—_James,_" she began, sounding like she had just said a vile word, "I'm really sorry but…"

James was staring vacantly at her, mumbling in an awed tone, "Wow, that's the first time _you've_ ever apologized to me before…" Lily stomped hard on his foot, and he forced himself to convulse inconspicuously as waves of pain washed over his toes. "I mean," he said through gritted teeth, "What is it? Is there something wrong, Lily…honey?" James twitched.

Lily's complexion turned from pale to a light green. Still, she managed to keep an even glare on the other people in the room, who appeared to not have taken in a word of what they were saying. "I'm sorry, but we have to break up," she said loudly. Nobody even looked up.

James tried to change his countenance from revolted to confused, ending up with looking constipated. "But why? We've been getting along so well…"

Earlier on, Lily and he had had another fight over who got to dump who. James said that he had been victimized enough just by having to stand in Lily's presence close enough to smell her light perfume ("What kind of smell is that? Is it called _'Devil's Halitosis'_ or something?" after which he was promptly whacked over the head with a wand); Lily retorted that she wasn't any less unfortunate for being forced to try engaging in a civil conversation with him (which in her opinion was humanly impossible). James demanded to get the upper hand because he was tired of being as the good little whipping boy and didn't want any more degradations to his image. Lily pointed out that since that was the way students portrayed him already, it would be more believable if he played the part of the clingy and pathetic idiot. Lily won.

Which was why she was delivering her lines a little bit more convincingly than James, who was having enough trouble keeping the bitterness out of his voice as it was.

Lily snorted quietly after hearing James' reply. "No, we haven't. We've been fighting too much the past few days…and…er…it's not healthy for a couple to always argue. So I think it would be best if we go our own separate ways for a while." _More like for all eternity, _she added mentally.

James tried to focus his imagination into the near, Lily-free future where he wouldn't have to interact with her everyday to discuss how to make people understand that they weren't together, and took a deep breath, steeling himself for what he was about to say next. "But Lily…you can't. I _need _you," he whined, or tried to. He had never said anything more unspeakable in his life. And he did it of his own free will. He glanced outside, as if to make sure the sky wasn't falling on them yet.

"I'm sorry, but it's over," Lily said firmly. James didn't make a move to say anything in reply. "I think this is where you hold onto me now," she whispered, sounding revolted herself at the very idea.

James gladly obliged, latching his left hand onto her upper arm in one swift movement. "OW! Not so hard, you moron!" Lily half-yelled, stepping back and tripping over a chair, making James stumble and fall to the floor half on top of her in the process. There was a loud crash, and one of their classmates who was milling around the classroom looked down at them.

"What are you two doing?" she asked, puzzled.

"We're breaking up," Lily said sourly, pushing James out of her personal space. James muttered darkly about stupid klutzes who had no sense of gravity whatsoever.

The girl standing above them didn't say anything for a moment. "Oh. That's nice," she said finally, before walking away. Lily and James groaned simultaneously.

Just then, the door swung open and Professor McGonagall stepped in. "Seventh years! Will you _please _tone it down a little? There are other classes down the hall, if you were left unaware," she snapped. She glanced at the still-smoking hole in the blackboard, "Detention, Black," she said sharply, and Sirius stood up, sputtering "But how would you know I did it?!" McGonagall gave him an exasperated look, as well as the rest of the class, before turning on her heel to leave the room. Just as she was about to close the door, she added, "Oh, and Potter and Evans, do please try to restrain your urges until later. This _is_ still a classroom, after all."

_Now_ everyone had the politeness to glance down at Lily and James. They turned into varying shades of red as they scrambled to their feet and kept a five-foot distance between each other.

And then the bell rang.

**IIIIIIIIII**

"It wasn't that bad, Lily," Raine tried to reassure the redhead as the latter violently stabbed at the peas on her plate with her fork.

"'Course it wasn't _that_ bad," Midori said in a muffled voice as she swallowed a bite of chicken. "In fact, it actually sucked royally." She had the decency to quail under Raine's glare.

After mutilating the helpless peas, Lily's fork moved onto the piece of chicken. "Why is it that when we don't do anything, people find something utterly _disgusting _to talk about us when they see us, but when we actually want them to look at us, they mysteriously turn blind???"

"So you're referring to you and James as 'us' now, are you?" Midori said innocently, glancing sidelong at James, who was just a few seats down and appeared to be being berated by Sirius.

Lily scowled at her, flicking a bit of peas in her direction. "What do I do now?" she asked, addressing her question to Raine.

Raine shrugged. "I dunno. Operation Break Up doesn't seem to be a very effective plan…"

"It was your idea," Midori pointed out.

"Do you have to antagonize everything I say?" Raine said exasperatedly.

"No, but it's fun watching your face twitch like that," was the cheerful reply.

Lily and Raine exchanged I-don't-know-how-the-hell-she-became-our-best-friend-so-don't-ask-me looks.

"Don't look like that," Midori said quickly, pretending to look offended. "I just think you and James really _should _get together."

There was a lengthy pause in which Raine put her fork down and Lily coughed violently to try to dislodge the piece of chicken she had suddenly swallowed the wrong way.

"Are—you—_insane?_" Lily said, emphasizing each word with a pause. Raine glanced at Lily, then at James, then back at Lily.

Midori shrugged. "Well, if practically everyone in Hogwarts is egging you two on to get into a relationship, then why not give it a try?" she pointed out matter-of-factly.

"Because I would be subjecting myself to mental and emotional torture twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week if I did, that's why!" Lily replied, still eyeing Midori as if she were quite mentally unstable.

Midori shot her a Cheshire-cat grin. "Ah, but don't you two do that already?"

Lily felt her face heat up. "That's only because we need to put our heads together to find a way to reverse everyone's sudden and severe case of idiot complex! It's not like it's permanent!"

"Whatever you say, Lily…" Midori singsonged.

Lily threw her hands up in vexation. "Ugh! You are so…"

Raine laid her right cheek on her palm, her elbow propping up her arm on the table. "This is going to be a long day…"

**IIIIIIIIII**

Although Lily was currently in a very bad mood, it might have given her some pleasure if she had known that James didn't have it any easier either. As Midori had seen earlier during their conversation, James was indeed being lectured by his best friend.

"How could you do something like this, Prongs? We haven't even started on any of our pranks yet! Do you want your sacrifice to bear no fruit? You can't break up with her until we show everyone the proof that Snivellus is terrified of little bunny rabbits!" Sirius paused. "Man, that was really funny. I can't wait to see everyone's reactions when they find out."

James rolled his eyes, still brooding about the disastrous 'breakup.' "I told you, Padfoot, she isn't really my—"

"Just hold on for a little bit longer! I know it's hard to manage under the strain of it all, but you can't crack now! You've put too much effort into this to just throw it all away!" Sirius rambled on, completely unaware of what James was saying.

James glared daggers at Remus, who had his fist in his mouth to stop from sniggering out loud.

"Don't be so hard on him, Sirius. After all, this is his worst rival he's pretending to be in love with. This kind of work must be very…tiring to keep up, right, Prongs?" Remus said innocently, looking in James' direction. James scowled in reply.

"Just remember that when it gets too hard for you, we're always here when you need us," Peter chimed in.

Sirius nodded in approval. "See, Prongs? Don't think that we're going to let you shoulder the entire burden. You can count on us when it gets too much for you. Just don't make one of us get into a broom closet with Evans," he said, looking aghast at the thought. "I don't know how you did it. I mean, Evans is pretty and all, but she's such a shrew, you know? I'm supposed to have the chick magnetism in this group, but even I wouldn't dare to snag _her. _You just blow me away sometimes."

But James' mind was already on other things, mainly, how to bring about threatening to feed Sirius to the giant squid to knock some sense into him. Not that Sirius had that much sense to begin with, anyway.

_At least Evans doesn't look too happy either, _he thought with a sadistic smirk as he watched Lily being teased relentlessly by her Asian friend.

As he tuned back in on what Sirius was saying, he sighed. _This is going to be a long day…_

**IIIIIIIIII**

They had Potions in the afternoon, and they worked in pairs. Lily and James were partners, much to their dismay. Unfortunately for them, their Potions professor found their being a 'couple' extremely cute and decided to do them a 'favor' and just pair them together on the activity.

"So what do we do now?" Lily asked as she set up their cauldron.

"Add an eye of newt…" James muttered vaguely as he stared at the textbook, and he felt something slimy come into contact with his hair. "What the—I meant into the _cauldron, _Evans, or did you forget that that's where we normally brew our potions?" he said irritably, realizing (in horror) that it was said eye of newt that was tangled in his unruly locks.

"I wasn't asking about the potion, pinhead," Lily retorted, the jar of newt eyes in her left hand, while her right was on the ready to hurl another one at James if needed.

"Did I mention that I really, _really_ hate you Evans?" James hissed at her, getting goo all over his hand as he extracted the newt eye from his hair and threw it in the cauldron. "And what did you assume I was supposed to think? This _is _Potions class, after all."

"There are some things more important than schoolwork," Lily replied placidly, replacing the cap of the jar and setting it on the counter.

James twirled his wand at the side of his head, successfully making himself look like a lunatic. "Never thought I'd hear _you _say that—_Scourgify__," _he said, and all traces of eye of newt vanished from his head.

"I care about my grades as much as the next person—" Lily started (James let out a cough which sounded a lot like "more like obsessed"), "—but when it comes to matters where _you're _involved, then that's another issue."

"Why, thank you for making me a first priority, Evans. I feel so special," James quipped.

"Oh, I didn't mean that as a compliment. Anything which involves you, in my point of view, is simply repugnant, which is why it needs to be rectified in the fastest way possible." They glared at each other, and they proved their expertise in that particular art by doing it while simultaneously throwing in the ingredients for their potion into their cauldron.

"Well, I'm not going to stand for being mistaken for your boyfriend—" and here James shuddered "—beyond this evening, if I can help it. I'm surprised anybody could even think that _you_ could get somebody, especially someone like me—"

"Someone brash, impertinent, narcissistic and with a head the size of China, you mean? I'm surprised people would actually _consider_ me being desperate enough to make do with someone as low as _you_..."

"What did you just say, Evans?!"

"Look who's talking, smartass!"

By this time thick clouds of a sickly green-colored smoke were rising up from their cauldron, throwing everyone near them into a fit of coughs and wheezes.

"Potter! Evans! What _are _you two doing?!" Professor Goldwin said frantically, waving her wand around as she walked briskly toward them. The smoke cleared and what she saw were her two students staring intensely at each other, their faces so close that their noses were almost touching. The lecture that she was about to unleash on them died in her mouth, which she put a hand over in pleasant surprise. "Oh! I see…" She beamed at them, and as if on cue Lily and James noticed her presence.

Lily's immediate thought was that they were in trouble for not minding their potion, and failed to see the knowing smile on her teacher's face. "Wait, Professor, I can explain… We _were _doing the potion right so far, but Potter here—" she glared at James "was distracting me—"

The redhead realized that this was the wrong thing to say when Professor Goldwin's smile widened. "Don't worry a thing about it, dear; I know that you youngsters are so easily distracted, especially when there's something—or some_one_—constantly on your mind…Just remember that you've still got classes to finish, all right? Now, since you two are just in the first phase of things, it's understandable that you're not yet used to not keeping your minds off each other…so I forgive you this time." She winked at them before returning to her table up at the front of the room.

"Wait, Professor, it's not what you think—" both Lily and James sputtered, and Professor Goldwin just waved a hand at them.

"I said don't worry about it. Now go fix up your potion. I'm sure you two will be able to do it excellently if you first concentrate at the matter at hand before…_other_ things." She looked quite pleased at herself and gave them an encouraging smile before returning to grading the first years' homework assignment.

As an instantaneous effect of the previous scene they made, whisperings and murmurs broke out over the students, which, unfortunately for the two Head students, included the Ravenclaws whom they shared Potions classes with.

"Great. Bloody brilliant, Evans," James said, slumping down on the floor and leaning against the counter of their work area.

"And the same goes for you," Lily responded disconsolately, mimicking his movements and sliding down next to him.

They sat there for a while, looking quite like the dejected pair for a few moments amidst the continuous mutterings and glances courtesy of their classmates, before a strange new resolve hardened in their eyes and they said together:

"This ends now."

**IIIIIIIIII**

**A/N- **Shorter than usual, I know. Does anybody even read this? Because nobody acknowledged what I said about not being sure about updating fast…and most people told me to _update soon_. Hence, the result is this chapter, which is only half as long as the previous one. I really don't have much time to write (unless it's schoolwork, which I'm forced to accomplish anyway). And speaking of school, it leaves me brain-dead, which contributes to the lack of ideas I come up with whenever I park my butt in front of the monitor to continue this story. I'm really lazy when it comes to writing down important things like plotlines. Read my bio and you'll understand.

Till then (and expect a much LONGER update date),

**--::Dimantrien::-**


	4. A Misunderstanding

**Coercive Measures**

**By Dimantrien**

**AN – **Late! I _did_ warn you…but at least it's the longest chapter yet, right?

**Chapter 4: A Misunderstanding **(in which Lily learns that one shouldn't pick up things without his/her name on it)

At dinnertime, everyone was peacefully eating his or her dinner (as peacefully as a crowd of chattering students can be, anyway), when one person stood up on his chair and made all others look up in mild curiosity.

"Ahem," James said, clearing his throat and scanning the room to see if he held everyone's attention. "I would just like to inform everyone, despite various rumors that are _completely untrue_, that Lily Evans and I are in fact, _not_ dating." There was quite a long pause in which all eyes stared for a long while at the raven-haired boy, and then the whole Hall exploded with peals of laughter, save for a few Slytherins, who were too dignified to roll around on the floor sniggering or let fly particles of food from their mouths from guffawing so loud. Still, they had amused looks on their faces, probably relishing the fact that James Potter, a Gryffindor and the Head Boy of the school, was purposefully putting himself up to be the resident clown of the day.

"Good one, Potter!"

"Best joke I've heard all week!"

"I knew you and your gang haven't set off a prank in ages…but this is just as hilarious, I'd say!"

James clearly wasn't expecting this kind of reaction, and was prepared to shout his lungs out to make them all shut up and listen to him some more, when somebody kicked the leg of his chair and caused him to lose his balance and fall with a crash to the floor.

He looked up at Lily, who was standing over him with a smirk on her face.

"Evans, I hate you more than any words can possibly say," he said to her, scowling and rubbing his backside with a wince of pain.

"Too bad everyone's refusing to believe it," Lily replied. "I'm terribly sorry you didn't quite get your message across, but you have to admit, it was really funny." She laughed as James stood up.

"I don't see why you should be so amused. After all, this is about you, too." James shot her a smug smile as Lily's own dissolved quickly, replaced by a frown.

"I will _not_ let this misunderstanding carry on further than tonight," Lily announced firmly, unconsciously extending her hand to help James up, but just as James gripped onto her hand and started to haul himself up, she realized what she was doing and quickly retracted her arm. James was sent crashing back to the floor with a painful yelp. Lily smiled innocuously at him. "So sorry. My hand must have slipped."

James gave her another spiteful glare, picking himself up as to avoid any further damage. "Don't worry about it. I know you had good intentions," he responded, voice dripping with sarcasm.

There was a glint in Lily's deep green eyes, and James could tell she was ready to launch into a verbal contest with him, when her two friends suddenly appeared behind her. Midori tapped Lily on the shoulder. "I'd hate to interrupt this lovely moment, but we really do have to get a move on," she said, taking Lily's wrist and tugging at it. "You two have already made a public spectacle of yourselves one too many times today, don't you think? What was the count again, Raine?"

Raine shrugged, absently enumerating them on her fingers. "Well…there was that scene in Transfiguration this morning…then the one in Potions…adding what happened a few minutes ago, it's a total of three rather interesting displays of Lily and James' supposed romance…"

Lily glared at them, clearly remembering the earlier embarrassing occurrences and trying to make them feel guilty for forcing her to do so. "You two are just so—"

But she was never able to tell them what they were, because right then Midori started dragging her away. "'Night, James," the Asian girl called to him over her shoulder, ignoring Lily's loud protests.

Raine shrugged and nodded to James before sprinting to catch up with her two friends.

As James absently watched them exit the Great Hall, an idea popped up in his head. He grinned.

Before the night was over, he would be rid of his "affair" with Lily Evans for good.

"I know it's here somewhere," Lily said, searching for her bag among the rows of chairs lining the Gryffindor table. In Midori's haste to leave, the redhead had forgotten to grab her book bag before they exited the Hall. There were still a fair number of people finishing up the last few bites of food on their plates, but most were starting to stand up and make their way out. Raine was waiting outside by the staircase, not wanting to be bothered by squeezing through the mob of students that she was sure would be emerging from the Great Hall by the time Lily managed to find her bag.

"Wasn't it right beside your chair a while ago?" Midori asked, yawning. She really wished Lily would hurry up so she could go to sleep.

Lily nodded. "Yeah, but somebody must have kicked it and sent it flying somewhere else when Potter was making an idiot of himself…not that he isn't already, come to think of it..."

Midori's almond-shaped eyes surveyed the immediate area. No James. Good. As much as she thought that Lily and James quarreling was a highly entertaining thing to watch, she'd rather not deal with any more antagonism than she had already witnessed that day.

"Oh, here it is!" Lily said, spotting her leather book bag five seats away from where she sat a few minutes ago.

"That must have been some kick," Midori commented with a smirk, mentally measuring the distance between Lily's seat and where her bag was. "Although I don't envy whoever did that, seeing as his toes would be in a sorry state for colliding with the ton of thousand-page books you always have stuffed in that thing."

Lily slung her bag on her shoulder and rolled her eyes. "Come on, Raine's still waiting for us. And it's starting to get pretty crowded at the exit…"

Sure enough, a mass of students was already swarming out of the Great Hall, some people shoving and pushing to get their own right of way. The two girls rushed into the mob and took a while to step out into the wide corridor without other people pushing at them from all sides. Lily frowned, finding it strange that it was still so crowded. Everyone ahead of them had stopped.

"What the…who's causing this holdup? Excuse me, I'm the Head Girl, sorry, coming through—"

"James? Is there something you want? Hey, what are you doing—!" Raine's voice. There were several loud gasps heard, and Lily's eyes narrowed as she pushed through the crowd with Midori at her heels, but it turned out that there was no need. Everyone cut them a wide path to the scene right before them.

James had his arms around Raine, holding in her in what was unmistakably a kiss.

Everyone stared at Lily, waiting for her reaction, and immediately got their wish.

"JAMES THOMAS POTTER!" Lily exploded, her face flushing in anger. That—that sexual harasser! And victimizing her own best friend, too!

James released Raine before turning around slowly towards Lily. Raine stumbled back, a dazed expression on her face.

James was _smirking. _Why, the _nerve_ of that—!

"You dirty, obnoxious pig! How _dare _you?! My own best friend—you, you're…" Lily was seething, her usually pale cheeks red with rage.

"Something wrong, Lily, dear?" James asked in an infuriatingly pleasant tone.

How _dare_ he ask her what was wrong?! He just _violated _her best friend with that foul mouth of his, that was what was wrong!

"Chauvinistic bastard! You just get your stupid plan backfire in your face, and this is what you do?! Is this your idea of a sick joke, Potter?! Shoving your tongue down my best friend's throat? Well, if you think you're going to get away with this without a beating, then you—" There was a tap on Lily's shoulder and she turned around to find Midori shaking her head and gesturing for them to go back upstairs. "What? Don't tell me you actually _approve_ of what he just did!" Lily glanced back at James and saw Raine hurrying up the steps and out of sight.

Midori shrugged and gave Lily what was supposed to be a calming smile. "This is the fourth public spectacle you've made of yourself, and it's just been a _day_, Lily. Less than twenty-four hours, in fact. Cool down a little, who cares if James Potter just snogged Raine—"

"I CARE! HE WAS HITTING ON MY BEST FRIEND! HOW CAN I _NOT_ CARE?! AND THERE'S NO WAY I'M GOING TO FORGIVE—" Midori gave her a knowing smirk (her back was to the crowd of people so only Lily saw) and the redhead's eyes grew wide for a split-second as understanding dawned on her. She whirled around and stomped up the stairs, her friend putting an arm around her and whispering something in a calm, soothing voice.

Their departure had an instantaneous effect. All the witnesses were buzzing excitedly over the latest turn of events, and in the midst of all the confusion James slipped away unnoticed.

**IIIIIIIIII**

Midori and Lily found Raine sitting down on her bed, downing a glass of water.

Lily was beside herself with anger and worry, flitting to her friend's side as soon as she stepped into the room. "Raine, are you all right? Did Potter do anything else to you? He wasn't trying to _molest_ you, wasn't he? That scumbag! Just wait till I get my hands on him…and don't do that, you need more than water to get the taste of his putrid mouth out of yours!"

"Of course I am, no, certainly _not_…and I'm perfectly fine, Lily, you don't have to worry," Raine responded to her questions in order, looking a little exasperated with Lily's mother hen antics.

Midori grinned. "Oi, Lily, how would you know that you need more than water to get rid of the taste of James' mouth? You've kissedhim already?" she asked, her almond shaped eyes widening in feigned surprise.

Lily glared at Midori before continuing with fretting over Raine. "At least brush your teeth to disinfect it! And you'd better do it ten times over just to make sure," she added, taking the liberty of dragging the blonde girl to the bathroom and shoving a toothbrush and a tube of toothpaste into her hands. She barely heard Midori calling out from the bedroom that she was just going to step out for a little while.

"Lily, it was just a _kiss_; I'm not going to die, seriously—" Raine was cut off from talking as Lily inserted the right end of a toothbrush heavily laden with strawberry-flavored toothpaste into her open mouth.

"Now brush," Lily instructed, giving Raine a do-it-or-else kind of look which vaguely resembled an expression Raine's mother might make. Lily would make a good mother, Raine thought dully as she mechanically followed Lily's command. An image of Lily holding a baby in her arms which looked uncannily like James Potter entered into Raine's mind and she choked on the foamy substance in her mouth, spitting it out onto the sink. Laughing while brushing one's teeth was _not _a good combination.

"That's it, just spit it out and hopefully after a few more times your mouth will be completely clean again. I'm sure the overpowering flavor of strawberry will win out in the end," Lily assured her. She made a face at the mention of strawberry though, suddenly reminded by the cause of this whole madness that had got her tangled in a problem with James Potter.

Poor Raine was unfortunately forced to repeat the same process ten times straight (Lily insisted that she systematically brush her teeth in three-minute intervals, which resulted in the two of them being stuck inside the bathroom for a little over half an hour. The sudden closing of the door to their dorm room jolted Lily back to her senses and both girls (Raine with a toothbrush still in her mouth) walked out of the bathroom to see Midori.

The raven-haired girl looked at them in mild surprise as she went to sit on her bed. "You two aren't done yet?" she asked. Raine glared at her, then at Lily, before retreating into the bathroom and rinsing off her mouth.

"Where did you go off to?" Lily asked her as she monitored Raine's movements. She seemed satisfied already, though, of which Raine was thankful as she felt that her teeth were already stripped of their outermost coating, what with all the brushing she was forced to do. The redhead plopped down onto her bed and for once looked completely at peace.

Midori shrugged. "Just thought that I'd give you some good news. I went around the school while you were…busy and I managed to catch a few tidbits about the latest things everyone's been saying about your and James' status." She paused. "Well, actually, I didn't exactly have a hard time finding out because most people were practically shouting their theories out to everyone they passed by—"

"What did they say?" Lily interrupted impatiently, just wanting to find out how things turned out.

Midori stared at her for a moment then smiled. "It's happened. Everyone thinks you two have broken up." Lily's eyes widened before she started jumping up and down and pumping her fist in the air.

"Alright! It's finally over! For once, James Potter has done something useful!" the redhead exclaimed, an expression of utter euphoria on her face. She went on along this vein for some time before she stopped and said, "But I'm still going to kill him for defiling Raine like that," she added in a dangerous tone.

Raine put her hands over her ears, scowling at Lily. "Argh, will you stop using words like that? Defile, violate…you make it sound like I got raped or something!"

"James Potter is like a disease. If he touches you even in the slightest way then you'll be instantly corrupted," Lily said matter-of-factly.

"I can see why. You've spent so much time with him that his mental instability is starting to rub off on you," Raine said dryly. "But you have to admit, he's a pretty good kisser," she added, her eyes twinkling.

Lily looked revolted. "Ugh! How can you say that?! I forbid you to mention anything more than platonic about Potter in any way." She shuddered and paled slightly. "The nightmares I'm going to be having after all this…"

"It's relatively hard and complicated to get a disease out of your system once it touches you," Midori muttered slowly, looking contemplatively at Lily. "And if James Potter is like a disease…"

"What are you mumbling about?" Lily suddenly asked her, noticing Midori's thoughtful expression.

Midori merely smiled slightly, shaking her head. "It's nothing...just thinking." She stood up. "I have to talk to someone." Walking briskly to the door, she went out of the room again and swung the door shut behind her.

As they heard the sound of their friend's echoing footsteps going down the staircase, Lily and Raine exchanged puzzled glances. What was that all about?

**IIIIIIIIII**

There were still plenty of people in the common room, some still excitedly discussing the events that had just occurred half an hour ago, but when Midori glanced around she couldn't find the person she was looking for.

She left Gryffindor Tower, absently thinking of going to the library where she could sort out her thoughts properly, away from the gazillion people running around and spreading gossip in the halls. When she reached the second floor and was just turning the corner, a blur of black crashed into her and left her sprawled on the ground.

"Itai! Why can't you watch where you're—oh, it's you," Midori said, looking up at her offender.

Sirius Black stood over her, extending a hand to haul her up. He smiled sheepishly as Midori righted herself. "Sorry 'bout that. See, I was running—"

"Quite obvious," Midori interjected, wincing as she touched her hip and felt the mark of a bruise.

Sirius winced too, as if he were the one who fell to the ground. "Well, anyway, I have a valid reason for running in the halls, you know. You didn't break a bone or anything, did you?" Midori opened her mouth but Sirius barreled on. "I've just been to the dungeons. The Slytherin tower, to be exact. Did you know how easy it is to get in there? The poor idiots who made the password to open the hidden door in the wall were pretty daft. And you don't even need an invisibility cloak to walk around—the common room was practically deserted and the few people who _were _in there didn't even pay the least bit attention to me—not that I'm complaining, but—"

"What on earth were you doing in the Slytherin common room?" Midori asked, although she could probably guess the answer.

Sirius grinned. "Remember when everyone was at dinner? I went up to Snivelly's room and let loose a cage of innocent little bunny rabbits into it. Then I put on the invis—I mean, I hid and waited until he came in and watched his reaction. It was hilarious, he looked like he was going to pee in his pants!" he related gleefully. He noticed the blank look on Midori's face and said, "Oh? You didn't know that Snape's scared dumb of bunnies?"

Midori stared at him oddly and said, "I…don't think I wanted to know that…" Setting aside the disturbing mental image of Severus Snape squealing like a terrified little girl as a bunch of little bunnies frolicked at his feet, she continued, "Anyway, I was just looking for you."

"Wanna see the pictures—? What do you mean you were looking for me?" Sirius' eyes widened and he took a few steps back. "Oh no, you're not going to maim me because of what Prongs did to your two best friends, are you? I'm completely innocent! I did not take any part in Prongs' plan to beguile Evans with his charm so that I would be free to execute the prank I just did!"

"Wait a minute, you thought that James was pretending to be in love with Lily so that he would be in complete control of her and you would be free to do whatever you wanted?" Midori repeated, suppressing a snicker.

Sirius gazed at her confusedly. "What, isn't that what he was doing? I mean, not that _I _had _anything _to do with what he was doing, I was just taking advantage of the fact that he was distracting Evans, and…"

"Whatever you say, Sirius," Midori said, rolling her eyes.

"You mean you're not going to inflict debilitating physical injury on me?" Sirius asked hopefully, pocketing the photographs after realizing that Midori wasn't at all interested in looking at them.

Midori's eyes twinkled. "Well, no…" she said, smiling mischievously. "But I need your help. Do you still want James and Lily to be together so that—er—you can do all your pranks without suffering serious consequences from the Head Girl?"

Sirius looked relieved that he wasn't going to land himself in the hospital wing anytime soon, and even a little pleased that things were taking a turn to his advantage. "Sure thing," he chirped. "Wait…there's no catch in this, right? And you're not going to tell Evans that James isn't really in love with her? Or that I encouraged him to do it?"

Midori stifled a laugh. "Of course not. Why would I?"

Sirius regarded her dubiously. "Well, you're her best friend…and it's kinda suspicious that you want her to get back together with Prongs when he broke her heart and everything."

Midori shrugged. "Let's just say I also think that Lily needs to loosen up a little. And James is exactly what she needs for her to stop being so uptight about the rules...and anything that concerns your circle of troublemaking friends," she replied sweetly.

Sirius, finally reassured, grinned and swung an arm over her shoulder. "You know, you're nothing like Evans. I'm starting to like you already," he declared seriously. "Oh yeah…and don't tell anyone that I was the one who nearly gave Snivellus a heart attack. McGonagall would hit the roof if she found out I did it."

The oriental girl rolled her eyes. "If that was your plan, then maybe you shouldn't have babbled the whole story to the first person you ran into after your little escapade." She knew that Sirius Black was one who couldn't keep a secret if he tried, unless it was a matter of life and death. But she decided to trust him on this one. And if she was going to get any cooperation from a boy she barely knew (she didn't associate with James and his friends much to give Lily some peace), she had to keep him happy. "I would never dream of ratting on you, Sirius Black," she deadpanned.

Sirius nodded in approval. "I think we're going to make great friends," he announced. "Now what's your plan?"

**IIIIIIIIII**

A week passed. The rumor mill spun another chapter in Lily and James' romance saga, claiming that James had tragically fallen in love with Lily's best friend and that he tried valiantly to get rid of his guilty emotions (Midori couldn't stop laughing as she relayed the interpretation to Lily and Raine, and Remus was found to have a serious bout of snickers whenever he heard the words "James," "Lily," and "betrayal" used in the same sentence). Unfortunately, James, with all his efforts, couldn't extinguish his heart's burning passion and yearning for Raine (Raine gagged and Lily had the sudden urge to go to the bathroom; Peter was awash with sympathy for James' 'troubled heart') and finally declared his love for her in front of the entire school…and Lily, who flew into a rage and emotionally broke down because of the treachery the two people she trusted the most had done to her (Sirius was the only one among the friends of the parties concerned who believed this part of the story. Aside from Peter, of course.). Raine, who didn't know anything about James' feelings, had to suffer through Lily's cold enmity even though she was completely innocent. She refused to get together with James and the poor boy was left with the agony of going through unrequited love, but nobody blamed him, really, because it was the fault of his out-of-control emotions.

In the end, Midori and Remus ended up being confined in the hospital wing for having a severe stomachache. Madame Clementine also demanded that whoever cast an overdone Cheering Charm on them should own up immediately.

Lily was forced to exhaust her acting skills by pretending that Raine was now her most hated enemy, and the matter also required a bit of Raine's cooperation as she had to play the role of the innocent victim. James didn't exactly like the way the rumor turned out (it made him look like an emotionally and mentally unbalanced tortured soul) but was resigned to the fact that he had to appear as if he were brooding all the time. Being assumed to having an interest in Lily Evans' best friend was better than being assumed to having a relationship with Lily Evans, after all.

Lily had no problem acting like she thought James was the scum of the earth (she already did, anyway), and for the past seven days she was reminded of just how much she despised him, whenever she headed for the shower and remembered that the water wouldn't be able to come into contact with her skin. Thankfully, one week passing meant that James' little spell had worn off and that she was finally able to soak herself in water, so she zoomed straight to the prefects' bathroom for a much-needed hot bath.

As she turned on her favorite taps and filled the pool with soap and bubbles, she remembered a slightly bothering conversation she had with her friends the previous day.

_--flashback--_

_The wide corridor was empty, and it was for that reason that Lily and Raine were free to walk side by side without acting as if they were mad at each other. They were talking about ways to stage how they could "make up" because frankly, both were tired of keeping up the charade. It was really unfair that they had to act at all, seeing that they didn't do anything wrong in the first place. It was ironic to think that they were keeping up an act for the benefit of the very people who caused the problem._

_The two were nearing an intersection with another corridor when they saw Midori skipping along said hallway, looking like she was in high spirits._

_"Hey, Midori!"__ Lily called out, effectively stopping the girl in her tracks. Midori spotted them and jogged over, and Lily could now plainly see the familiar twinkle in Midori's ebony eyes—it set off warning bells in Lily's head that something was amiss, although she couldn't tell exactly why._

_"Where've you been? You look pretty happy about something," Raine observed, taking in the bouncy girl's current mood. _

_"I do?" Midori stopped bouncing up and down. "I mean, of course I do! I'm always happy about something or other!" she grinned at them, and Lily was vaguely reminded of Sirius Black on a sugar high. _

_"Well, don't rub it in too much. Lily and I still have a problem and we can't just jump around for joy like what you're doing right now," Raine replied, pretending to be irritated. _

_Midori's grin widened. "Oh, don't worry, you won't be needing to keep up your act for much longer," she said confidently. _

_"It's certainly reassuring that you actually spend time thinking up ways to get us out of this mess. I thought you'd forgotten all about us," Raine jibed. _

_"What did you have in mind, anyway?" Lily asked, not having a very good feeling about this. _

_Midori winked and put her index finger over her lips. "Hi-mi-tsu!" she answered mischievously, emphasizing each syllable. Then she gave them a little wave and skipped away. _

_Raine and Lily exchanged pointed looks. "Do you think she's up to something?" Raine asked. She was always a little miffed whenever Midori used words from her native language and didn't bother translating (she always said that was the point of speaking Nippongo in the first place)._

_"I don't know, but if she is, it can't be anything good," Lily answered. _

_--end flashback—_

Lily finished up her bath quickly, suddenly remembering that she forgot a few documents for Head Girl work back in the prefects' meeting room. It always took every ounce of her self-control not to strangle Potter on the spot whenever they held prefect meetings, which was every other week.

She reached the door to the meeting room and was just about to grab the knob when the door swung open and a few sixth year girls who most certainly weren't prefects stepped out, giggling. When they saw Lily, however, they immediately made a run for it.

"Hey! You guys aren't allowed to—oh never mind," Lily said resignedly, letting them go. She noticed that she had become a little looser with rules ever since she was forced to constantly talk to James. She remembered all his taunts that she was too uptight and she felt that she had to prove him wrong…

But why would she need to do that? She didn't need to prove anything to James Potter!

Lily shook her head to clear her thoughts, stepping inside the room and looking around to see what those fourth years had been up to. Her eyes went to the pale pink envelope on top of somebody's in tray. All the prefects' in trays were side by side on a single table and had name plates on them to signify whose was whose. Some professor suggested it a few years ago so that they didn't have to personally deliver notes to a particular prefect—they could just go to one place and the prefects would just check the in trays everyday. Lily and James had theirs, too, which was also somewhere along the rows of in trays on the table. As Lily neared the table, she noticed that the envelope was on _her _in tray.

Her eyes widened. Those girls certainly didn't look like the types that would—no, there had to be some mistake. She took the envelope and sure enough, it was a love letter. There were little glittering hearts all over it. She turned it over to see who it was addressed to, and when she did, she didn't know whether to be relieved or furious.

Written in flowing calligraphy was the name "James."

Why, those little—! She shouldn't have let them get away if they were just going to anonymously drop off a love letter to someone! And to James Potter, for that matter! And how dare they even make the mistake of dropping the stupid thing on _her _in tray! They should have just handed the letter to James himself; give him another reason to bloat his already over-inflated ego! She furiously considered throwing the envelope into the trash bin—it wouldn't be her fault; students other than prefects and the Head Boy and Girl were forbidden to enter the prefects' meeting room and those girls were already lucky she hadn't taken points off their Houses.

As her hand hovered over the trash can, her conscience pulled her back. What did it matter to her if a couple of fourth years were head over heels for James Potter, anyway? Lily had only to pity them for their poor choice of who to like. Let them be; sooner or later they would realize what an idiot Potter was and start to regret that they ever had a crush on him.

Lily sighed, the troublesome letter still in her hand. The right thing to do would be to drop it on the right in tray, but she could just imagine the smug and self-satisfied look on Potter's face when he discovers the letter during tomorrow's prefect meeting. No, he was already too arrogant than was tolerable, and she didn't want to deal with that.

She stood there, thinking about what to do with the letter for some time, before she stomped over to the table and decided to just put it on James' in tray. His head couldn't get any fatter than it already was, right? And she had to show that she was indifferent. She didn't care about that stupid letter at all…no, she wasn't bothered in the least.

She was just about to place the pink envelope on James' in tray when the door burst open. Flustered, Lily retracted her arm and hid the letter behind her back.

Two prefects stood in the doorway. One was Margaret Sullivan, a Ravenclaw sixth year, and with her was Paul McCartney, a fifth year Hufflepuff.

"Hey, Lily! What brings you here?" Margaret asked curiously.

Lily swallowed hard, wondering why she was starting to sweat all of a sudden. It wasn't like she was doing anything wrong! "Um…nothing! What are you two doing here? The meeting isn't until tomorrow…"

Paul pushed his glasses up on the bridge of his nose. "We were just checking to see if Professor Flitwick sent a notice of approval to a suggestion we made regarding the use of—what's that you're hiding behind your back?"

"What are you talking about?" Lily asked nervously. "Anyway, I've looked through the in trays already and there isn't a single notice or letter on them…don't worry, I'll follow it up to Professor Flitwick…"

"C'mon, out with it, Lily. We're all friends here…you don't have to hide anything from us," Margaret said teasingly. "Now show us what you've got back there."

"It's nothing, I tell you! You two better leave now before Professor McGonagall or someone finds us here—we're not supposed to use this room for purposes other than holding our meetings—"

Paul and Margaret exchanged looks before taking a step closer. Lily, in turn, took a step back until she bumped into the table. "What do you think you two are doing?" she demanded.

Margaret raised her wand abruptly. _"Accio!"_Caught off guard, Lily felt the piece of stationery slip through her fingers and watched in dismay as Paul caught it deftly in his hands. The two mischievous prefects (Lily made a mental note not to recommend them as potential Head Boy or Girl material in the future) moved closer to each other to take a better look at the object now in their hands.

Lily took a deep breath. "Look, I can explain—"

Margaret squealed. "Oh, Lily!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening ecstatically.

"I just knew you still loved him!"

Lily hit the floor.

**IIIIIIIIII**

**AN – **Itai – means "ouch" in Japanese

Himitsu – secret

Ummm…what else? Oh yeah, it might take me a while to update again. Don't exactly know where my plot is going so I still have to make something up… heh…

Make my day and review…

V


	5. Muggle Studies Sucks

**Coercive Measures **

**Dimantrien -**scratches head- I can't remember what I was supposed to do again… well, it couldn't have been _that_ important. -plops in front of the PC and stares at nonexistent CM chap 5- Oh…crap.

**A/N –** Hmmm…right. Almost half a year late. –cringes– Um…sorry?

_Chapter 4 end---_

Margaret squealed. "Oh, Lily!" she exclaimed, her eyes widening ecstatically.

"I just knew you still loved him!"

Lily hit the floor.

**Chapter 5: Muggle Studies Sucks **(in which James finds out that attempting to revive a person _can_ be hazardous to one's health)

Sometimes, things that happen to a person just seem too good to be true.

James already had firsthand experience on this.

The worst incident, by far, was the one wherein Remus burst into their dorm room and excitedly informed him (in between suppressed guffaws) that he had "no need to worry," because Lily still had a thing for him despite their recent "breakup."

Remus filled James in on the love letter incident, the details of which were currently circulating around school at breakneck speed.

He had never, in his whole lycanthropy-cursed life, seen a person look so pale and horror-struck before. He burst out laughing.

James whacked him over the head with a pair of socks (it was the first thing he could get his hands on, and Remus ought to be lucky they were clean) and proceeded to let loose a string of colorful words that even Remus never knew before.

Remus thought, with some amusement, how love could do such remarkable things to people.

He didn't realize he had been speaking his thoughts aloud, until James hurled a whole pile of dirty laundry at him.

**IIIIIIIIII**

"Good job, you two. I commend you on your perfect timing," Midori remarked, shaking hands with a blonde Ravenclaw girl and a chubby Hufflepuff fifth year.

"Rest assured, your service will not go disregarded. We present you with this box of sinfully delicious homemade chocolate chip cookies, into which a whole lot of love and caring was poured into, as a token of our appreciation," Sirius added in a solemn tone, presenting the two non-Gryffindors with a huge cardboard box.

"You are such a dork, Black," Midori said, rolling her eyes. "They both know you sneaked into the kitchens and told a couple of house elves to make them for you." Sirius stuck his tongue out at her and grinned.

"Oh, it was nothing! We should be the ones to thank _you!_ This is the first time I ever became the first person to know about such huge news and tell it to everybody!" the Ravenclaw girl exclaimed.

"Homemade chocolate chip cookies…" the Hufflepuff boy said vaguely, his eyes glazed over as he took the box from Sirius.

Midori smiled. "Yeah, well, we're glad our plan benefited the both of us. Oops, it's about time I get back to my friends now. Thanks again for doing this favor for us…"

"Margaret and Paul."

**IIIIIIIIII**

"Lily, calm down."

The only reply Raine got was a muffled scream. Lily had buried her head in one of her pillows, probably to avoid giving anyone who passed by their door a heart attack.

"It's not so bad, you know. I mean, sure, people think it's all sweet, how you supposedly made a love letter to James to apologize, put it into a pink scented envelope, and sneaked into the prefects' meeting room to drop it onto his in-tray, but it's all going to turn out okay in the end."

Lily only screamed louder into her pillow, and Raine had the faint notion that her words weren't exactly helping her friend. She was just about to attempt another tack in making Lily stop trying to suffocate herself, when the door swung open and a beaming Midori bounced in.

"Hey, you two! I just heard the craziest rumors flying around out there… People keep saying things about Lily, James, and a love letter…" Midori glanced at Lily, who had come up for air and was sporting a scowl to end all scowls. "Judging by the look on your face, it must be true."

"True? _True? _I was framed! I'm completely innocent! Why would I do something as disgusting as writing that pompous jackass a _love letter?_ I thought I was doing him a favor, putting those fourth years' stupid letter in _his _in-tray instead of _mine_—complete airheads, I suppose they'd have to be, if they're smitten with an idiot like that—"

Raine sighed and gave Midori an "I've been here for ages, now it's your turn" look. Midori's smile faded a little as she realized she had just been given the task of taming the momentarily berserk Lily.

_Oh well… it' all for the best, I guess. No pain, no gain… _Midori thought glumly as she prepared to shoot a Cheering Charm at Lily. She flicked her wand and aimed, only to see her spell bounce back as Lily conjured a barrier at lightning speed. She jumped out of the way just in time, and the spell hit the door, staining it with a couple of scorch marks.

"Don't think that you can make me forget about what that stupid prick did with a single spell!" Lily said crossly, shoving her wand back in her pocket.

"But Lily, wasn't it your fault for picking up the letter in the first place—?" Midori started to say before Raine elbowed her.

Lily opened her mouth, but her next rant died unvoiced as Raine quickly whipped out her wand. _"Silencio."_

Raine raised her eyebrows at Midori. "You're a little slow today."

Midori shrugged. "I was never really good at Cheering Charms anyway. So…what do we do with her now?"

Raine eyed the now mute and furiously hand-gesturing Lily in front of them. "Well…we could always lock her up in this room until our first class tomorrow, which I'm sure would be sufficient time to make her calm down considerably and refrain herself from causing more unnecessary rumors that she wouldn't like too much."

Lily glared at them and made violent movements with her arms and hands, which were promptly ignored by her audience.

"Our first class tomorrow is Muggle Studies, and James is taking that too, you know." Midori pointed out.

"Oh, Lily will never do anything rash in front of a teacher, would you now, Lily dear?" Raine said sweetly, directing her gaze at their furious friend, who clearly was not happy with how they were making decisions for her.

Midori and Raine eyed the door for a long moment before looking at Lily, and back at the door again.

"…agreed," Midori said finally. And before Lily could blink, her two friends had darted out of the room and closed the door behind them, undoubtedly casting spells that would ensure Lily's isolation from the world for the time being.

**IIIIIIIIII**

At dinner that evening, nobody found it strange that Lily Evans was absent from the Gryffindor table. Her two closest friends refrained comment, and cheerfully went on with eating as if the latest news concerning their best friend hadn't gotten through their heads. Nobody found it strange, either, that James Potter was looking down and out and kept poking at his food in a despondent manner while his best friend Sirius appeared very satisfactory with the turn of events. All of them surmised that James was still hung up on Raine and that Lily was too shy to face the world for being found out of her still undying love for James.

The only thing they found unusual was the way Remus Lupin was snickering every few seconds as if he knew an inside joke that apparently no one else was aware of.

Which, of course, he did.

And that was the way the day ended, with half the school anticipating a fresh update on the Lily and James saga the following morning.

**IIIIIIIIII**

The office of the Muggle Studies teacher, Professor Schwartz, was completely still and deserted, until a figure stepped in and broke the silence. The intruder rummaged around the desk before locating what he was looking for: the lesson plan that Professor Schwartz had written for the duration of the semester.

He flipped through the pages until he found the one that had tomorrow's date neatly penned at the top. As he read the contents, a smirk broke out on his face.

He hurriedly scribbled something in the section about the seventh year Gryffindor-Hufflepuff class tomorrow, charmed his handwriting to match that of the professor's, and stood back, admiring the modifications he had made. Oh yes, his partner in crime would be very happy with what he had accomplished.

The sound of an owl hooting outside prompted him back to alert-trespasser mode, and he briskly made his way out of the room, making sure to check if there was anyone in the near vicinity before stepping out.

He checked his watch. There was no need to worry; dinner wasn't over for ten more minutes, and he wasn't too worried about what his friends would think of his sudden disappearance from the Great Hall.

He couldn't wait for tomorrow.

**IIIIIIIIII**

The joint Gryffindor-Hufflepuff Muggle Studies class that day was unusually quiet. Professor Schwartz had yet to appear, and during the delay, all everybody could do was glance back and forth from James and Lily, who were doing their best to avoid each other's gaze.

At the same time, both were inwardly fuming. Really, did everybody else have such tediously dull lives that they had to stick their noses into someone else's to entertain themselves? Or did they really find it fulfilling to watch others suffering under mental torture?

The thickening tension (coupled with the expectant anticipation of most of the people in the room) was suddenly broken as Professor Schwartz briskly entered the room.

"Good morning, class. I'm dreadfully sorry for being late, but there is no need to worry; I believe we have plenty of time to accomplish the things we need to do today...and I am very sure you will enjoy this _particular _lesson." She smiled gleefully in a way that made the students shift in their seats uncomfortably. "Today we are going to discuss…"

She made her way to the teacher's desk at the front of the classroom. "…Basic Muggle Medical Methods."

There were simultaneous groans heard all around, and a few held breaths were let out. "What's so interesting about _that_?" Sirius said loudly from the back of the class, though the slight smirk on his face didn't register the makings of a complaint.

Professor Schwartz smiled widely, a habit she was wont to do when she was getting ready for a thorough speech on Muggle ingenuity. "What is so interesting?" she started slowly. "What is so interesting about the way ordinary Muggles with no medical expertise could save another human life? What is so interesting about how Muggles found out the proper way to attempt to resurrect another by giving them the breath of life once more?"

A pudgy Hufflepuff boy gave her a quizzical look. "'Breath of life'? Is that some kind of magic? But Muggles don't—"

Professor Schwartz held up a hand to silence him. A few half-bloods in the room, along with Lily, the only Muggleborn taking Muggle Studies, straightened in their seats with a sense of dread as they started to realize what their teacher was getting at.

"The breath of life," Professor Schwartz announced with a dramatic air, "is not some piece of hocus-pocus that Muggles are capable of. It is so wonderful in its simplicity that we witches and wizards have overlooked it because of the gift of magic that has been bestowed upon us—"

"Yes, we know that, now what is it already?" Sirius interjected loudly, earning himself a glare from the professor.

Professor Schwartz coughed. "This most brilliant method that Muggles have discovered…is called Cardio-pulmonary Resuscitation, or CPR for short."

"Carja-what?" some people echoed confusedly.

"Car-_dio_-pul-mo-na-ry resuscitation!" Professor Schwartz repeated clearly. She was given more baffled looks in return, except for the half-bloods and Lily, who suddenly found out why the professor looked so happy that they were going to discuss "Basic Muggle Medical Methods." "Never mind. It seems to me that you lot don't know as much about Muggles as I would like you to. Incidentally, because I was expecting that, you shall all be taught how CPR works, in the best way I know how, by doing it yourselves to one another—"

"NO!" the half-bloods (and Lily) shouted as one, standing up in indignation. The other half of the class stared on, clueless.

Professor Schwartz beamed. "Why, would you look at that? I never expected this…half the class actually knows what CPR is! This is a perfect arrangement… you will make this lesson much easier for me! Now…I shall pair you off with your less-informed classmates so that you yourselves may teach them. I will give you a quarter of an hour, and afterwards you will all demonstrate this medical method in front of the class by pair, as a practical test."

"Wait, Professor…what _is_ CPR, exactly?" Peter asked, his hand raised, looking at the teacher apprehensively.

The "well-informed" students waited for their professor to drop the bomb. "CPR…is a more scientific way of saying…mouth to mouth resuscitation," Professor Schwartz answered him promptly and cheerfully.

And suddenly, the pure-blood students in the room realized why the other half of the class was vehemently protesting. Some, though (like Sirius), glanced excitedly at the potential members of the opposite sex that they could snag as their partners for demonstration.

"Mouth to mouth…as in, kissing?" Peter squeaked.

"I wouldn't quite put it that way, Pettigrew….but it _does_ require putting your mouth over the victim's, which is somewhat similar to a kiss." Professor Schwartz was looking very smug now as she returned to her seat at the teacher's desk and cracked open her lesson plan with relish. "Now…Henson, you work with Bonne… Kylicke and Smith…Black and Luelle…"

"So _that's _why you looked so happy!" Midori realized, shaking her head at Sirius. "When you switched the partners…you paired yourself with Haley Luelle because you've been chasing her skirt for days now…" Sirius grinned smugly at her and she rolled her eyes.

"Aw, I know you're madly in love with me, no need to show your jealousy that I picked someone else…" Sirius teased, and got a whack over the head in return.

"Haha, don't flatter yourself too much, Sirius," Midori said sardonically, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Oh yes. Very mature, you are," Sirius remarked dryly.

"I don't know how I put up with you…you _did _switch…?"

"Yes, ma'am, I did," Sirius said proudly. "Schwartz'll call out their names any second now…"

As if on cue, Professor Schwartz gleefully called out the next pair in her list, which, unbeknownst to her, was modified the night before by Sirius Black.

"Potter and Evans!"

**IIIIIIIIII**

All complaints and vehement protests in the room stopped as the bickering students heard what their professor had just said.

All complaints, that is…except for the ones coming from the two people that held their attention even before Professor Schwartz entered the room and caused all this chaos.

"Professor, _NO_," Lily pleaded in what could still safely be called a calm and controlled voice, but it was obvious that she was doing her best not to scream. "There is no way in he—I mean, I refuse to be paired up with _James Potter._" She spat out the last two words as if they were the most disgusting profanities she had ever uttered.

"Same here," James said, standing up indignantly, not realizing that he had, for once, agreed with his worst enemy. "I will not do something as repulsive as put _my _clean mouth into Evans'—"

"Who are you calling repulsive, Potter?" Lily said in a steely voice, whirling at him and looking ready to spit flames.

"I didn't say you were repulsive, I said that any other human being getting into contact with _your _mouth is repulsive," James stated matter-of-factly, a smirk on his face.

"Potter, if that's repulsive, then kissing you must be the most vile and horrendous thing to happen to any girl," Lily retorted, forgetting, in her irritation, the roomful of students and a professor in their midst.

"Really? Well then, there must be many girls who like vile and horrendous things, because I've snogged with quite a few of them, and I've never heard them complaining at all," James replied smoothly with a wink.

Lily threw her hands up in disgust. "Out of all the chauvinistic pigs I have met, Potter…_you_ are the worst!" Lily turned back to Professor Schwartz, all sense of calmness vanishing without a trace. "Professor! Pair Potter up with _Black_ for all I care! I absolutely will not stand to work with someone as uncouth and crude—"

"No thanks, everyone knows we don't swing that way," Sirius interrupted loudly, eliciting a couple of laughs from the other students.

"Lily, calm down, _please_," Raine pleaded, shooting a glance at Professor Schwartz, who was not looking too happy that her best student was blatantly talking back at her.

"But—"

"Excluding the spiteful insults, I rather agree with Evans, Professor, because hell will freeze over before I willingly allow myself to be kissed by—"

"THAT'S ENOUGH!" Professor Schwartz shouted, startling the Head Boy and Girl into silence. She glared the two of them. "I would have thought that you two, being the role models of the school, would have set a better example for the other students!"

James and Lily exchanged a quick glare before training their eyes on the floor. "Sorry, Professor."

Professor Schwartz rubbed at her temples. "Oh, and this was supposed to be such a fun lesson too…" she muttered to herself, looking at the clock on the wall, which, thanks to her lateness and the pointless bickering of her students, informed her that they only had a little over fifteen minutes left. She once again looked at Lily and James, who had gone back to glaring daggers at each other in the short span that she had turned her attention away from them.

At that moment, a light bulb went off in her head. "Miss Evans and Potter," she called them once again, and the two in question reluctantly broke eye contact. "You do realize that such deliberate disrespect to a teacher warrants a detention or two…but thankfully for the two of you, I am willing to set this matter aside. However, you both still need to be taught a lesson in being a fine example to the students who look up to you. Since this day's class will be over quite soon, there is only enough time to do one demonstration. May I request both of you to come here to the front of the class and show your classmates how CPR is done?"

**IIIIIIIIII**

Time seemed to stop as Lily and James gaped at Professor Schwartz. Not only did they have to demonstrate CPR as a pair, they also had to do it _in front of the whole class_, and all the other students had gotten away without doing it!

"And no buts this time," Professor Schwartz said pleasantly, feeling sufficiently cheered up (albeit a little on the sadistic side) from her previous outburst.

In their seats, Sirius and Midori were exchanging a high-five, Remus had his hand over his mouth and was shaking uncontrollably, and Peter still appeared to be baffled about the whole CPR-is-like-kissing issue. Fortunately for them (except Peter, who wasn't really doing anything suspicious), Lily and James were too wrapped up in their present predicament to look at their friends.

When both of them still didn't move, Professor Schwartz said, "Come on, get a move on already! You two! To the front! Now!" Both Lily and James obeyed, looking as if they were about to be sent to the guillotine instead of just demonstrating how to revive a person that wasn't breathing. But if they had it their way, both of them secretly thought that it would be better to be decapitated than to do what Professor Schwartz wanted them to do.

"That's it. Now, Miss Evans, judging from your reaction earlier, I have reason to say that you know enough about CPR, am I correct? So, Potter here will lie down and act as the victim while you show the class the right way to perform it… And take your time, the better for the other students to see how it is done…we still have fifteen minutes left..."

Oh yes, Professor Schwartz was thoroughly enjoying this (along with all the other people in the room sans Lily and James), and that was what Lily was bitterly noting in her head as she waited for James to lie down with his back against the floor.

James had a traumatized look on his face, and they hadn't even done anything yet. Lily was, for a moment, inclined to laugh at the sheer hilarity of his facial expression, but suddenly remembered what she had to do, and a severely appalled expression was the one that broke out on her face instead.

"Miss Evans?" Professor Schwartz prompted, her tone laced with a sadistic excitement that ought to be banned.

Lily took a deep breath before kneeling down, knees on either side of James' hips. She then proceeded to abruptly lean down, using her arms to support her, just far enough so that her mouth hovered above James'. She really, _really _didn't want to do this, and if she absolutely had to, then she was determined to get it done as soon as possible, so as to have more time for the mental therapy she was quite sure she would need afterwards.

"Eager much?" James breathed sarcastically in her face, and she glowered at him in reply. Somewhere above them, she could hear Professor Schwartz saying, "Slowly now, Miss Evans… The victim is supposed to be in a delicate physical state! I know you are very enthusiastic to demonstrate this to the class with Potter, but in a case of life and death you must not plunge on so rashly…" Lily's face flushed a deep red.

James' hazel eyes twinkled in mild amusement as he whispered to her, "I never knew it was humanly possible for a person's face to be that red—"

His taunt died unfinished as he felt Lily's lips covering his own in what was not quite a kiss, as she seemed to be exhaling into his mouth in consecutive rapid bursts. "Shut the hell up, Potter," she growled into his mouth before pulling away from him.

Lily was staring down at the look of wide-eyed shock on James' face with twisted amusement, when a thought abruptly occurred to her. She sat back (on James' stomach, no less), and ignored James' twitch of pain as she raised her hand cheerfully and voiced out a question. "Professor, I'm sorry, but there's a part of the procedure that I forgot to do. Would you mind terribly if I demonstrated it again while explaining to the class what exactly it is that I'm doing?"

Professor Schwartz, who was all smiles now after the scene she just witnessed, had no objections whatsoever. Miss Evans was actually _willing _to do it again! In her mind, she was thinking of how those rumors that the students were generating could actually be quite accurate…

"What…the…hell…are you…talking about, E-vans?" James huffed, struggling to breathe properly, as Lily was still sitting comfortably on top of him.

Lily ignored him, addressing the class. "You see, one of the most important things to do before performing mouth to mouth resuscitation is to tilt the patient's chin up slightly so as not to block the passage of air into his lungs…I'll show you…"

Lily closed her left thumb and index finger on either side of James' nose and gave it a hard pinch, not letting go as she tilted his chin up jerkily (and painfully) and let it stay in that position.

"OW! Evans, you—!" James yelped.

"Quiet, Potter, you're not supposed to be breathing, remember?" Lily said loudly, thoroughly relishing James' discomfort. If she had to suffer through this humiliation, then she might as well make the most of it by making James as miserable as possible in the process. "After this is the time that you perform—oh, wait! I'm so sorry, I forgot another thing that has to be done before this…" She let go of James' nose and made a hand gesture of apology to the professor.

James took in a big gulp of air and glared at her, rubbing his poor nose. "Well, recall it now before I _really _die from your so-called 'resuscitation'!" The class laughed as one, and a Hufflepuff girl squealed, "Oh, don't they just act like the cutest couple?"

Lily was not fazed. "Patience, Potter," she told him placidly. She kneeled again, and James sighed in relief as he was able to breathe normally again. But not for long, because Lily suddenly formed a fist with her left hand, laid her right hand on top of it, and proceeded to lay her two hands on top of James' chest and, putting her weight onto them, giving him a sharp blow. James gasped in pain. "OW! Dammit, Evans, are you really trying to kill me or what!"

"Whoops, sorry," Lily said without much sincerity. She turned back to the class. "In a real situation where the concept of CPR should be applied, this much pressure needs to be put on the patient's chest if he has no pulse. Obviously, Potter's alive and breathing so he feels some amount of pain—"

"If you knew that already, then why didn't you lessen the pressure?" James snapped.

"—but I wanted to show you the proper way to do it, regardless of the physical condition of my partner, because it's important that you know exactly what you have to do. Just like Professor Schwartz said, it's a situation between life and death, after all…"

James scowled. "Are you through buttering up the teacher yet?" he whispered sardonically. Lily merely smirked at him as she repeated the painful action she had just performed on him. "You must do this five consecutive times," she once again said to the class, doing just that (and practically knocking the wind out of James in the process).

Oh, she was so going to pay for this later… James gritted his teeth and endured the pain. He was positive that his chest was badly bruised by now…

Sirius was rolling on the floor laughing with wild abandon, and Remus, much more refined, raised his hand and asked to be excused to go to the bathroom, where he let his laughter loose and reverberating over the walls.

"Ooh…poor James. Lily's really overdoing things…" Midori whispered to Raine, kicking at Sirius who was rolling toward her and threatening to squash her toes.

Raine quickly retracted her feet as Sirius plowed past them. "Eh…I guess it really wasn't such a good idea to lock her up yesterday. She's channeling all her pent-up energy into injuring James as extensively as she possibly could without getting into trouble." Raine glanced briefly toward the front of the class. "Let's just hope she doesn't end up killing him…"

Both of them chuckled quietly and continued to watch the free show before them.

"Okay! After this, you have to do what I did before…tilt his chin up like this—" Lily once again pinched James' nose and pulled, "then you perform mouth to mouth resuscitation, exhaling five times into the victim's mouth to attempt to revive him. But I've already showed you that, so—"

"Oh no, we don't mind seeing it a second time," Sirius piped up, finally getting up and composing himself.

Lily's smile faltered for a moment, but she quickly recovered. "Black, I'm sure you're as smart as you say you are, so I don't need to repeat it because you already understand what to do."

Sirius nodded. "You're completely right, Lily. I _am_ aware of how wondrously intelligent I am," and here Lily rolled her eyes, "but I was just speaking for the rest of the class. I'm sure not all of them completely understood your demonstration, and a second try will probably do the trick…" He grinned evilly at her.

Midori waved a hand in the air. "Actually, I don't remember how _exactly_ you're supposed to position your mouth over the victim's, so could you do it again? Please, Lily?" She gave Lily a look of pure innocence. Several other students nodded in agreement and murmured amongst themselves.

_Traitor, _Lily thought as she gave her friend a sour look. She could see Raine hiding a smile behind a piece of parchment. Great. Even her own friends were getting a kick out of this…

James groaned. With the amount of pain he was going through, he was past the point of caring whether or not Lily would "kiss" him again or not. "Just do it, Evans, so that we can finally get this over with," he snapped.

Lily stared at him incredulously, as if he had just suggested that the two of them elope.

"I see no reason why you shouldn't, Miss Evans…so that the class may better comprehend it…" Professor Schwartz reasoned.

Lily sighed. She supposed that all things, including inflicting not-so-debilitating injury to James Potter, needed a price to be paid for. "Fine…watch closely so I won't have to do it again," she said grumpily. Her classmates nodded and leaned forward in anticipation almost instantaneously.

Only when her mouth was over James' once again did she realize that she had just contradicted her own thoughts as to how she wanted the whole school to act toward her and James' situation…by telling them to _watch closely. _

**IIIIIIIIII**

**AN- **Well…if anyone's interested in knowing…the three main reasons why this chapter is horribly late are school (which was hell), Ragnarok Online (which is fun) and downloading tenipuri mp3s (which rock XD). When summer break arrived in March, I became addicted to Ragnarok…unhealthily so. So, I decided to stop playing for a couple of weeks (and I've only started on my promise a couple of days ago) and work on my fanfics instead. Unfortunately RO has turned my brain into mush, and…this is all I could squeeze out of it. I will _try _to update as soon as I can, but I can't guarantee it to be in…a week, or something like that. I have other fics to write, all of which are non-HP, and all of which are long overdue as well. Plus, I have to study for college entrance exams…which gives me even less time to write. I'm really sorry for being so crappy at updating…and thanks to those who waited patiently for this chapter.


	6. Conspiracy

**Coercive Measures**

**By Dimantrien**

**AN- **I'm sorry I'm late for the nth time… Even though I promised I would come out with a chapter earlier than last time (which I technically fulfilled—I was six months late, last time—now it's just five months XP), for various reasons, like… oh, never mind, I know you all don't care about me…All you guys want is the stuff below this note anyway...

**Chapter 6: Conspiracy **(in which Lily loses all hope of ever knocking sanity into everybody's brains)

In retrospect, Lily was starting to regret that she had always underestimated the rumor mills. She was never inclined to listen to the rumors before, thinking them useless strings of information extrapolated from true-to-life anecdotes and continuously appended with sensationalized details until they metamorphosed into tall tales that barely resembled the original fact. She had always thought it rather silly that people constantly hungered for these manufactured pieces of half-truths, and that it was pretty stupid of them to concern themselves so much with other people's personal business. And, of course, her passive observations had led her to believe that all rumors had an expiration date ranging from a day to a fortnight at most—it greatly depended on how fast the news spread and how entertaining it would be for the listeners. Old rumors would die out and a new, fresh rumor would replace them, serving the same purpose, only with a different plot.

As she discovered quite recently, her knowledge on rumors had some definite inaccuracies. One was that there were certain rumors that could last more than a fortnight—indeed, the current rumor circulating Hogwarts had been ongoing for a little more than a month, and this she remembered with much annoyance. Her second mistake was that rumors didn't just spread at the rate of wildfire in a forest; they had the capacity to spread at the _speed of light. _And this she found out right after her traumatic ordeal in Muggle Studies class…

The sound of the bell signaling the end of the current class was still reverberating through the halls when Lily dashed out of the classroom, and if she had been amazed at the speed she had just moved, she was no less shocked when only a second later a swarm of people coming from other classrooms immediately assaulted her.

"Is it true that you and Potter are back together?"

"Leena told me that you two made out right in front of Professor Schwartz!"

"I heard from Sinclair that Professor Schwartz was the one who ordered you two to do it!"

"And I heard _you _initiated it!"

"Eh? Nobody told me _that!_"

"Evans, I never knew you were so aggressive!"

"_I _never knew Potter liked the dominatrix type…"

"Oooooh…"

"Potter _what?_"

_"SILENCIO."_

All inquisitive and exclamatory chatter ceased as Midori calmly pocketed her wand and steered Lily (whose face was so red it looked quite possible that all the blood vessels in it would burst) through the throng, paying no heed to the dirty looks that Lily's audience kept throwing at her. The two Gryffindors' steps echoed down the hallway, as the other students had wisely decided not to pursue them and haggle for more firsthand information. After a few minutes of chaos as the other Muggle Studies students poured out of the class and spilled all relevant (and sensational) details to the waiting gossipmongers, the crowd dispersed, half of them wondering where James Potter and his gang disappeared to and how the four managed to slip through their clutches.

"…is it safe?" a disembodied voice echoed through the seemingly empty Muggle Studies classroom a few moments after Professor Schwartz had left.

"How am I supposed to know?" another voice retorted irritably. "You turned me into a wall clock!"

"Oops. Sorry," the first voice said sheepishly, and in an instant a chair at the far end of the classroom glowed for a moment, and with a popping sound, turned into James Potter. He first tiptoed to the door and peeked out (and as he did, three peeved voices coming from the wall clock, a quill on the floor and a round pincushion that looked out of place on the teacher's desk simultaneously shouted his name exasperatedly), making sure that the corridor was completely deserted before closing the door behind him.

"Hurry up and change us back!" the wall clock, whose two hands were turning rapidly in opposite directions, said impatiently.

James waved his wand and muttered a long string of words under his breath. He pointed his wand first at the quill on the floor and after the same glowing effect and popping noise, Remus Lupin reappeared, his hair in disarray. James then waved his wand at the pincushion and it slowly transformed into a panicked-looking Peter Pettigrew. Lastly, he directed his wand on the wall clock (which was complaining about being the last) and waited as it changed into Sirius Black.

He failed to remember that wall clocks were usually hung on walls and that a normal Hogwarts classroom's walls were almost two stories high—this resulted in Sirius hanging in midair for a split second before falling with a painful thump onto the marble floor.

Sirius glared at James as he picked himself up, wincing slightly. "What the hell was that for!" he bellowed, touching his sore arm (which he used to break the fall) gingerly.

"Sorry, sorry!" James said hastily. Sirius merely scowled and sat on the teacher's desk, his arms folded (after he made sure no bones were broken) across his chest.

"Why did you have to transfigure us anyway? You're the one who needs to hide, not us," Remus said, combing his fingers through his hair to try to put it back in place. He grimaced. "Midori stepped on me on her way out…"

Peter made no comments, appearing to be quite traumatized about his recent escapade as a pincushion.

"They would have bombarded you with questions, just like Evans! And I don't think I can trust you two," he glared at Remus and Sirius, "not to make a couple of _hilarious_ remarks that would only fuel those rumor workers' overactive imaginations—not to mention mouths…"

Remus tried to suppress a snicker as James uttered the word "mouths," and James glowered at him after realizing what the werewolf was so amused about. "Don't even _say _anything, Moony." The bespectacled boy noticed that he was doing a lot of glaring these days...damn Evans, this was all her fault!

"What did I do?" Remus asked innocuously, trademark pleasant smile in place. Sirius smirked and sucked the air in through his teeth in imitation of kissing noises, then sniggered as James rounded on him.

James sighed, rubbing his temples. "Come on, let's just go back to the tower already."

"Yeah, if we're lucky, Lily might still be there and you could give her a consoling kiss after the whole ordeal you two went through today," Sirius said cheerfully, his recent fall completely forgotten.

"Shut up already, Sirius."

**IIIIIIIIII**

Midori climbed up the stairs towards her dormitory room and found Raine standing outside their door warily like a guard. "Where's Lily? I lost her when I went to the bathroom for a sec."

Raine pointed a hitchhiker thumb behind her at the door. "I think she's massacring her pillows again. Probably restraining her fierce urge to blow up the whole castle. I'm standing here to make sure nobody would be stupid enough to come in and incur her wrath." By "nobody" she clearly meant some of the nosier Gryffindors who would surely come up and pump Lily with more information on the Muggle Studies class that afternoon.

"Well, as long as she's not intending to blow up James Potter, I think she'll hold out okay," Midori said with a shrug. "Think you could classify me as one of the stupid people you just mentioned if I went in?"

Raine smiled. "Oh, _we_ don't count, of course." She pressed her ear against the door and winced as the sound of ripping cloth rent the air. "That was the tenth pillow this week…" Carefully, she opened the door and the two of them filed in quietly.

Midori took a quick survey of the room. "Well, this is nice," she remarked dryly, flicking a white fuzzy particle that stuck itself to the sleeve of her robes. The air was thick with feathers, and pieces of red and gold cloth were strewn at random across the blood red carpet.

Raine's face was scrunched in concentration as she did a complicated motion with her wand and murmured under her breath. After a few moments, steam started drifting out of her wand. The steam spread throughout the whole room and slowly formed into what looked like large, fluffy…clouds?

"What exactly are you doing?" Midori asked quizzically. The cloud effect made the room look like a cross between an ideal scene of heaven and a henhouse gone awry.

"If this is another absurd idea that you got into your head to try to calm me down, then it's not working," Lily said grumpily, flopping onto her bed where a bunch of clouds had settled. Thankfully, artificial clouds weren't made of vapor—they were more like giant clumps of cotton, Lily noticed.

"Well, you stopped ripping our pillows to shreds; it must have had _some _effect on you. Besides, all the reds and golds in this room can give off a psychological effect of making you angrier than you already are," Raine stated matter-of-factly.

Midori clapped. "After all your practice with Lily, I think you'll make a great anger management therapist," she commented with a giggle. Raine stuck her tongue out at her.

Lily sat up, extracting a few feathers in her red hair. "Well, thank you for making me your practice dummy. I'm deeply honored," she said moodily.

"Oh, come on, Lily… You _know _that it's your own fault that everyone speculated so much about what happened today. You didn't have to exaggerate the whole CPR thing with James. He's probably cursing you right now for causing him so much injury," Raine said, unable to restrain herself from smiling.

Lily threaded her fingers through her hair and pulled. "_Why _do I have to go through this? Why is everybody so obsessed with insisting that I'm in love with _Potter_, of all people?" she wailed in frustration.

"Maybe, dim-witted as you think they are, they can see something that both you and James haven't…" Midori said absently.

"What did you say?" Lily said in a slightly higher-pitched voice, green eyes narrowed.

"What? I didn't say anything," Midori said innocently. "Anyway, what are you going to do now? Everybody thinks that you and James have gotten back together. That means that you and Raine can 'be friends again,' right?"

Lily massaged her temples tiredly. "I don't know. Could you give me the stupid made-up drama story again? I forgot what I'm supposed to be acting like."

Raine stared at Lily, looking impressed. "Wow, Lily, this must be the first time you actually _asked _to be reminded about your supposed love story with James…"

Lily scowled at her before turning back to Midori. "Give me the short version, then. I wouldn't want to hear it if I didn't have to…"

Midori shrugged. "Let's see…you and James were together for a while and then broke up—" ("_supposedly_ together for a while and thenbroke up," Lily corrected crossly) "…right. Then you were supposed to be not talking to Raine…then those two prefects caught you with your love letter—" ("it wasn't mine!") "—and everyone thought that you were still in love with James, so you took advantage of being his partner in the CPR thing and kissed him in front of everyone."

Lily looked like she was about to throw up. "Couldn't you have phrased it another way?" she complained.

"What? But you _enjoyed _it, didn't you?" Midori said slyly.

Lily frowned at her. "Have you been hanging around Black lately? That kind of perverse thinking will corrupt your brain one day." Then she smirked. "Oh, but I _did _enjoy inflicting bodily harm on Potter _and _getting away with it…that was really fun," she declared.

"What about the kiss?" Raine chimed in, smiling innocently.

The redhead scowled again. "That was not a _kiss. _It's called _CPR. _And that was the most disgusting thing that I ever did…if you must know, I had to brush my teeth ten times over before I was completely sure that—"

"Why would you need to brush your teeth? It's not like he stuck his tongue inside your mouth," Midori interjected, looking criminally gleeful about their topic of conversation.

"Urgh! Never, ever say disgusting things like that in my presence!" Lily exclaimed, looking aghast.

Midori and Raine exchanged looks. "We're seventeen, Lily. Don't you think we're too old for the whole boys-are-icky concept already?" Raine said in the patient tone of a person who had explained something countless times but had always found it futile for the listener to ever understand.

"I don't mean that kissing, or snogging, or anything of the sort is disgusting," Lily said crossly, immensely irritated at how her friends were deriving amusement at her expense. "But James Potter is a matter unto himself. _Everything _that has to do with him is detestable, and it's a wonder that he can do that without even trying. He is an arrogant, despicable, loathsome—"

"…ungentlemanly, insensitive, hypocritical clodpoll…" Midori cheerfully supplied, imitating Lily's voice.

"…who abuses his position as Head Boy by wreaking havoc and mischief in the halls with his trouble-making friends…" Raine added, her tone shrill in mmicry of Lily's .

"…and struts the halls as if he were king, when all he is, in fact, is a pompous idiot with an over-inflated ego—"

"—that gives him the delusional notion that girls are inferior to him, the chauvinistic bastard. He is rudeness personified—"

"—seen from the blatant insolence with which he treats his professors and other authority figures. He's—"

"—absolutely contemptible—"

"—a complete waste of human life—"

"—a curse to sensible, practical people who never did anything to deserve his unspeakable immaturity—"

"—the pest whose disappearance would be a blessing to the world—"

"—the perpetual thorn in my side—"

"—the love of my life—"

_"WHAT DID YOU SAY!"_ Lily exclaimed suddenly, her cheeks tinged with pink. She had remained silent throughout her friends' mockery of her usual tirade because it was pleasant to the ears to hear her friends badmouth James purposely, even if it was just for fun, and now this unexpected turn…

"Damn…I was hoping she wouldn't notice so we could've continued that particular discourse," Midori said with feigned remorse to Raine when she managed to contain her snickers.

"We lost the chance of completely modifying Lily's I-Hate-Potter speech…" Raine agreed in pretend sadness. Then they both burst out laughing.

"It's _not funny._ You know, if you two are just going to deliver your brilliantly humorous Potter jokes, then you might as well leave before I hex you both out of spite," Lily told them, temper flaring once more.

Raine and Midori attempted to repress their giggles with every ounce of self-control they had. "We're sorry, Lily. We promise never to do it again…" Raine vowed with a straight face. The corners of her lips twitched slightly, and to quell it she added, "Why did we end up with this line of conversation again?"

"Because Lily was sharing with us the experience of the passionate kiss she shared with James…" Midori replied, cracking a smile as she started sniggering all over again.

"It was _NOT _a _KISS!_" Lily yelled for the second time. Then she took a deep breath, trying to calm herself. "You two are on _my _side, remember? Honestly… it's as if you _want _me to be together with him, just like the rest of the idiots in this school!"

At that, Midori and Raine exchanged looks, refraining from replying.

Lily's mouth fell open in disbelief. "You don't mean…"

Both her friends shrugged apologetically.

Lily shook her head. "No. No, no, no, no, no…." All hope was lost. Even her _friends… _She flopped back down onto her bed, staring listlessly at the ceiling.

"Uh…Lily…" Midori said uncertainly as the mood in the room completely changed. Lily didn't respond, not in the fifteen minutes of silence that ensued afterward.

The redhead's two best friends then decided to leave the room, closing the door gently behind them.

"You know…I reckon Lily's the only one who hasn't caught on that she's really falling in love with James," Midori said thoughtfully.

"And James himself," Raine corrected.

"And vice versa," Midori added with a grin.

There was a moment of silence. "D'you think Lily's mad at us right now?" Midori asked finally.

Raine shrugged. "No idea. With the way she's blowing up all over the place like an on-off switch, one can never tell for sure."

Midori stared intently at nothing in particular for a moment. "Well, at least we accomplished our original intention."

"What?" Raine asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

"Pacifying her into willing silence," Midori reminded.

Raine smiled. "Oh, right. What do you think will happen from here?"

Midori's smile widened. "It doesn't suit Lily to keep silent for long. Besides, haven't we always found it more interesting when she's ready to spit fire because of something that has to do with James Potter, as opposed to the semi-docile state she's in right now?"

"And your point is…"

"Something fun is going to happen soon. I guarantee it," Midori declared. And without any further explanation, she bounded off down the stairs and out of sight.

**IIIIIIIIII**

The lake was peaceful that day, with no sign of the giant squid anywhere near the surface. The sky was a clear blue and a gentle breeze found its way onto the grounds. It was a perfect day for a picnic, and some students were taking advantage of the nice weather, strolling around on the grounds to escape the sometimes-suffocating confines of endless schoolwork.

"So…why are we here again?" Sirius asked as he chomped on a fried drumstick.

Midori leaned against the trunk of the tree they were sitting under, glancing with a bit of amazement in her eyes at the food that was spread around Sirius, which was roughly enough to feed ten people. "You're supposed to be here to report on James' progress, not to fill your bottomless pit of a stomach," she answered, swiping a chocolate éclair from one of the plates Sirius laid out and munching on it.

"Prongs' progress?" Sirius repeated, only it sounded more like "Profff—porfesch" because his mouth was crammed with fried chicken. He swallowed before continuing. "On what?"

"On starting to fall in love with Lily, of course!" Midori replied impatiently, ignoring Sirius' appalling table manners.

Sirius didn't speak for a moment as he devoured a slice of chocolate cake. "Ya know, I was wondering about that, judging from Prongs' behavior this morning. I'm starting to think that he never really wanted Lily to fall in love with him so he could get off scot-free on all of our pranks…"

"No, really?" Midori said sarcastically.

"You mean…you tricked me!" Sirius exclaimed indignantly. After a moment he added, "So _that's _why Moony was looking so smug all the time…"

Midori shrugged in a bored fashion, absentmindedly getting another éclair from Sirius' stock.

"Hold on…then why am I still doing this?" Sirius demanded, waving his fork around in agitation.

"Doing what?"

"Helping you get them together, like you said to me a month earlier!"

Midori stared at him thoughtfully before answering. "…to derive amusement from making our best friends suffer, which really isn't a bad thing since we know they're really head over heels for each other anyway?"

Sirius considered that answer for a moment. "Good enough," he finally announced with a grin. Midori rolled her eyes, noticing that his sugar high was kicking in.

The two of them didn't say anything more for a moment as they worked on all the food that Sirius had brought (Sirius had finished half of all of it before Midori started eating). "Anyway…you never answered my earlier question. What's James progress?" Midori spoke up again.

It was Sirius' turn to look deep in thought for a moment. "I don't know. He's really pissed off at Lily right now, obviously…or is that, for girls like you, a twisted sign that he's madly in love with the person who physically injured him on purpose?"

Midori shook her head. "Oh, they're constantly irritated at each other, those two are…but haven't you ever heard of the saying, 'There's a thin line between love and hate'?"

"'Course I have. But you can't base their relationship on that saying alone," Sirius pointed out.

Midori merely smiled. "I didn't say I was basing it on just that. I just _know, _Sirius… Both of them are falling for each other. Only, they think that they hate each other too much for something like that to be possible."

"Maybe they really _do _hate each other too much, and you're just reading too much into things," Sirius shot back good-naturedly.

Midori pretended to glare at him. "Stop antagonizing everything I say, will you? Girls' minds are really more complex than you think. And I've been Lily's best friend for years; trust me, behind all her nasty encounters with James, she's starting to feel something. Both of them are. And because it's a foreign feeling to both of them, they instinctively respond to it by trying to push it away, hence their more active arguing and bickering."

Sirius rubbed his head, trying to process everything the raven-haired girl just said. "That kinda makes sense… I think. Fine, you've convinced me, so what are we supposed to do now?"

"That's what we're here to brainstorm about. All of this stuff that's happening is pretty bothersome to say the least… For two people who're supposed to be the brightest minds of the school, Lily and James can be pretty thick when it comes to themselves," Midori remarked in a long-suffering tone.

"…any ideas?" Sirius asked. He was feeling a little sleepy from eating all that food, so he figured Midori ought to start with something and he'd just add in his own two cents later.

"I was sorting it all out…we need to liven things up a little. Everyone's bound to get bored with Lily and James' 'on-and-off relationship' and I don't think they'll _ever _get together if they don't have the whole student body persistently egging them on." Midori explained her previous thoughts to Sirius.

Sirius smirked. "Geez, their relationship is really high-maintenance, don't you think? The way you're saying it, they need the whole of Hogwarts' support and _us _to manage and manipulate their encounters just for them to end up with each other."

"Oh, don't start on all that again. Think of a plan now and leave all your ingenious insights for later," Midori shot back tiredly.

Sirius complied, out of respect of the girl's efforts to get her friend a love life—and possibly long-term happiness. Really, that sort of attitude was quite admirable. "Well…I always used to say that the solution to a boring lull in life is a good party…"

"A party?" Midori repeated, considering the idea.

"Yeah. Prongs and I always plan stuff like that, everybody loves parties anyway, and it gives us a chance to pull a few pranks without attracting too much attention to ourselves," Sirius explained with a slight smirk.

"That could work. Leave the pranks out this time, though… what are we going to throw a party for, then?"

Sirius waved a hand carelessly. "Nobody's going to care as long as there's an excuse to have fun. We could make it a party to celebrate Prongs and Lily's getting back together, or whatever."

Midori grinned. "Brilliant, Black! That's going to perk everyone up, alright…_and_ royally piss off Lily and James. Oh, this is going to be so much fun," she said gleefully.

"I thought you wanted to get them together, not make them hate each other even more," Sirius said confusedly. "You know, you're really inconsistent in the stuff you keep saying. But you're right about my being brilliant, so I guess you make _some _sense…" he consented arrogantly, smirking.

Midori rolled her eyes. "I know what I'm doing! Now hurry and clean up, we have a party to plan!" She ran off back to the castle, leaving Sirius to tidy up the mess of plates and crumbs.

"Girls' minds are really hard to understand…" Sirius mumbled, clearing away the clutter with a flick of his wand and following after her.

**IIIIIIIIII**

James decided to leave his dorm room after he had sufficiently recovered from that vicious Evans' blows. Much as he hated to admit it, he needed to talk to her to discuss this latest turn of events (it didn't slip from his mind that it was all _her _fault, so she had better pay for it) and what they should do to rectify it.

Besides, he was getting a little too annoyed at Remus' quiet snickering from the other side of the room, and he couldn't talk to Peter to distract himself because the poor boy was still in shock after his transformation into an inanimate object.

And Sirius had mysteriously disappeared. He said he was going down to the kitchens to "have a bite to eat" (which translated to devouring a buffet-table's worth of food), but three hours was a little too much time to ingest food into oneself, even for Sirius. There was something very fishy going on… James could feel it.

He had barely reached the top of the last few steps of the spiral staircase leading to the common room, when a blast of amplified music with a lively beat resounded through his ears. _A party?_Nobody told him about a party, and judging from Remus' and Peter's disinterest to leave their room, they didn't know about it either.

He hurried down the stairs, his wild side a little cross because of all the fun he must have missed while he was busy brooding in his room (he figured Sirius never came back because he was at the party). The sounds of laughter and talking got louder and louder as he descended. He had just hopped down the last step when everyone in the common room stopped what they were doing to look at him. Then, their attention swerved to the sound of footsteps going down the girls' staircase, and a second later Lily Evans emerged, a what's-all-this-commotion? expression firmly planted on her face.

And simultaneously, everyone in the common room (which included several non-Gryffindors who didn't escape Lily's keen observation—they would face dire consequences later, just they wait…) dropped whatever they were holding and jumped up from their seats, with smiling faces exclaiming in unison, "CONGRATULATIONS!"

"What—" Lily started to say, but then James made a choking noise that caused her to notice him for the first time. He was staring, revolted, at the large banner hung over the portrait hole entrance of the common room. Lily's eyes skimmed over it and a similar expression to that of James' spread onto her face.

Written on the banner in curving, golden letters were the words _Congratulations on your engagement, James and Lily! _

And Lily lost her voice, her previous words dying in her throat. _What kind of bloody insane tack did they come up with _this _time! _

**IIIIIIIIII**

**AN- You** know…I was gonna include the whole party thing here, but I'm just so tired… Please don't kill me if this chapter was less than satisfactory… I just finished with first quarterly exams and a college entrance test, and I'm due to take another one soon…so…have mercy on my poor brain… I'll try to get the next chapter up ASAP 'cause I already have a general idea of what to put in it. I'll _try… _but most times trying never really gets me anywhere. Hmph. Someone send me a box of instant inspiration right now… TT


	7. Parental Guidance

Coercive Measures 

**By Dimantrien**

**AN- ** crawls out from under a rock ummm…. Ehehe, remember me? The person who hasn't updated in…uh… almost a year? dead silence Oh yeah, I thought as much… (sweatdrops)

**Chapter 7: Parental Guidance **(in which Lily and James discover that students are not the worst people to find out about a rumor)

"What…the…hell…?" James managed to sputter after a few moments of appearing as if he had just choked on his own spit. Fifty faces beamed back at him, and a couple of the more festive (already drunk) ones actually threw confetti at him and Lily for effect. Nobody answered James' question, if it could even be considered as one, and anyway, half of them didn't manage to understand whatever it was he uttered. James read the banner three times over, pinched himself, confirmed that he wasn't hallucinating, then stared, still shocked, at the smiling faces of the crowd before him. Oh yes, it would be a _lot_ of help if his brain started functioning right about now…

Still overcome by shock, he turned to Lily for an explanation. Bad idea. Lily's face was murderous; her lips pale and trembling as if threatening to spit fire. She was glaring spitefully at the Gryffindors (and some Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws), who seemed merrily unaware of the fact that she wasn't exactly sporting an ecstatic, I'm-going-to-get-hitched expression on her usually calm face. She then whirled on James, her glare intensifying, as if it were all his fault that this had happened. Some of James' brain cells had the decency to get rolling and he glared back with equal magnitude, knowing that none of this was _his _fault anyway, and remembering that he still had to pay Lily back for that scene in Muggle Studies class.

Lily's green eyes closed (Ha! thought James triumphantly) and after a few moments of carefully controlled breathing, she opened them again and turned calmly to the crowd, declaring in a tone as cold as steel, "We are _not _getting married."

There were mixed reactions to this pronouncement. Some people looked politely confused (after all, telling people that you weren't really getting married during your engagement party wasn't exactly a normal occurrence), some had their eyebrows raised in silent skepticism, and most (sadly for Lily and James) were smirking and sniggering as if they were all in on a secret joke that the "engaged couple" were oblivious to.

Needless to say, it was _not _the reaction that Lily was expecting. She was quite sure, after her very _clear _statement, that they would all shrug their shoulders, laugh, and shake their heads at the troublesome culprit who thought that spreading such horrid misinformation would make a brilliant prank.

Once again, Lily found her predictions in the wrong. It wasn't the first time. She should have resigned herself to the fact that it was impossible to predict the general behavior of the magical community. And she really wished that they would all stop _giggling… _"What's so funny?!" she snapped at them, her feathers thoroughly ruffled by now. She once again glowered at James, who, this time, had the sense not to start another glaring match but instead cleared his throat to address the giggling, snickering, sniggering bunch.

"I would hate to admit that I am agreeing with Evans here, but she's right—how could you idiots even _think _that I'd propose to this violent, psychologically unbalanced, ill-tempered harpy—OUCH!!!" James hopped around on his left foot, giving Lily the look of death.

"Consider yourself lucky that I didn't have my wand in my hand at the time, Potter," Lily said in a silky tone, her emerald eyes glinting dangerously.

James furiously opened his mouth to retort, but the words died in his throat as a high-pitched voice from the crowd squealed, "Oh, aren't they just the _cutest_ couple ever??"

Both Lily and James turned scarlet, scanning the crowd futilely for the offender. James adopted a highly affronted facial expression (after fighting to restore order to the blood vessels in his face) and said, in a much louder voice, "Let me just repeat it again… WE… ARE… **_NOT_**… GETTING… MARRIED!" He said the words slowly and clearly, giving particular emphasis to the word "not," for those people who were slow and a bit hard of hearing…which, these days, constituted practically all the students at Hogwarts who displayed a disturbing amount of interest in his and Lily's relationship.

"Oh, come off it, Potter," Elias Smith, a smug-looking blonde Ravenclaw, said loudly from the back. All eyes turned to him instead, and he continued, "It's all out in the open now, isn't it? The cat's out of the bag; no need to get all riled up now that your _secret's _been spilled…" Everyone else nodded in general assent, and it became clear to Lily and James why they were all smirking in that irritatingly knowing way.

They all thought that she and James were _secretly engaged_?! That they knew that she and idiot Potter would deny everything because nobody was supposed to know… O mother of all things holy, what was the world coming to?

Everybody started chattering on again, resuming the activities they had been immersed in before the _engaged couple _graced them with their presence. Both Lily and James merely stood there for a good minute, as if somebody cast a Freezing Charm on them both. Then the gears in James' head started turning once again (honestly, with all the absurdities he had been forced to endure through the past few weeks, he was sure his brain wouldn't be able to take it anymore and die on him one of these days) and he ran after Smith. "We really _aren't _engaged!" he said furiously, nearly colliding into the blonde when he stopped to get some punch from a long table that miraculously found its way to the Gryffindor common room.

"Of course not," Smith replied, his blue eyes a bit condescending, as if pitying James for keeping up with a hopeless act.

It thoroughly annoyed James, at any rate. "We _AREN'T. _See, Evans isn't even wearing a ring, is she?!" he said, practically at the top of his voice, pointing at Lily who held her ring-free fingers up for everyone to see.

"Well, she wouldn't want to wear it if you two were planning on keeping it all hushed up, would she? And it didn't even work anyway, as we can all obviously see here… Why don't you just loosen up a bit, Potter, it _is _your engagement party…" Smith drawled, taking a swig from his punch and starting to move away.

"I…you… Twenty points from Ravenclaw, Smith, your sorry ass's not supposed to be anywhere within the Gryffindor tower!" James bellowed after him resentfully. "And that goes for everybody else here who _isn't _a Gryffindor—"

"Aw, come on, Prongs, give them a break, they're here to join in the celebration of _your _engagement, after all," Sirius said cheerfully, clapping him hard on the back. "And might I say congratulations to you and Evans over there! I'm going to be the best man at the wedding, of course, just thought I'd remind you…"

James glared mutinously at him. "Not you too, Padfoot!" he snapped exasperatedly. "Will you stop grinning like a maniac and help me persuade this mad lot—!"

"Never mind that, you've got a load of presents to open! Go on, call Evans and see if someone gave you some really good stuff," Sirius interrupted. Under his breath he added, "Man, I never thought that people would be so responsive…"

"What was that?" James said sharply.

"Nothing, nothing…" Sirius replied carelessly. "Now shoo along, you're supposed to be holding hands with Evans and making googly eyes at each other—isn't that what engaged couples are supposed to do during engagement parties? I have important business to attend to; someone refilled the punch bowl and I haven't spiked it yet…"

"We're NOT ENGAGED!!!" James shouted heatedly after him, but Sirius was already swallowed up by the merrymaking throng.

**IIIIIIIIII **

"I don't think you should open that."

"Why? What's wrong with it?"

Lily narrowed her eyes at the rolled-up scroll in James' hands. The two of them had decided, after a whispered argument in the common room, to hide up in the boys' dormitories to escape from the chaotic circumstances that their "engagement party" had escalated to. They had brought everybody's presents with them (Lily figured she could amuse herself with unwrapping them in case they were holed up long enough for them to run out of insults to throw at each other) and were currently going through the considerable pile, their expressions of distaste deepening with each opened present.

So far they had a pile of household paraphernalia ("What are they giving us plates and silverware for? Isn't this the kind of stuff people are supposed to give as _wedding_ gifts?" WHACK "Idiot, are you implying that you _want _a wedding?!" "….."), a few pieces of magic-endowed items ("Hey, at least not all of them are complete dunces; I've wanted one of these Self-Strangling Scarves for ages! It'd make a nice Christmas gift for dear old Snivellus." "You're _Head Boy_, and you're not killing off anybody, unless it's the mastermind behind this whole engagement catastrophe…"), and a pile of…suspicious things…that they were currently poking at.

"What the heck's this?" James had asked before the third pile had come into existence. He was holding a small box, made of the flimsy material that Muggles used for packaging commercial goods.

Lily was busy tearing open the wrapping of what looked like a small bedside lamp. "Try opening it. That's how people normally find out what's inside, didn't you know?" she said without looking up, tone laden with sarcasm.

James rolled his eyes at her but did as she said, extracting a weird rubbery thing from the box, staring at it quizzically.

"Well? What did you—" Lily lifted her head and the impatient expression she wore turned to one of horrification as her eyes landed on the thing in James' hands.

"What? What is it?" James asked confusedly, quite alarmed at the look on her face.

"THROW THAT AWAY!!!" Lily shrieked, wrenching the piece of rubber from his hand and expertly shooting it straight into the trash can a few feet away.

"Not until you tell me what this is," James said stubbornly, waving the box in front of her face. Her face had turned red as a tomato, and it was actually pretty funny…

Lily spluttered incoherently. Of all the Muggle things James Potter didn't yet know about, it had to be _this… _There was no freaking way she was going to be the one to tell him.

"Teeeeeeeeelllll meeeeeeee….!" James said cheerfully, enjoying Lily's discomfort immensely, even though a tiny bit of him was curious as to why she was so horrified in the first place.

"Will you just shut up and throw—it—away!" Lily snapped, hurling a balled-up piece of wrapping paper at him.

"You could just tell me what it is, and then it'll go straight in the trash, simple as that," James pointed out with a smirk.

Lily glared at him. Damn Potter! Didn't even know what he was asking for… "Fine, but you'll be sorry you ever wanted to know, moron…" Yes, she was going to be mature and explain it, in a very objective and scientific manner… It was just an extension of The Facts of Life™, after all… If only her cheeks would cooperate!

…Ten minutes later found an enlightened James, hazel eyes wide with comprehension and face red with embarrassment. "Er…well, how was I supposed to know, wizards usually just use spells…or so I'm told…" he mumbled, extremely uncomfortable. Lily was glowering accusatorily at him, her face still tinged with pink.

She shuddered. "Ugh, whoever sent that is just _sick…_"

"It's from Sirius," James noted before chucking the box into the trash bin.

"….."

After that, any other gift that had Sirius' name on it was promptly tossed into a separate pile from the others, remaining unwrapped. Lily pointed out that they should just burn the whole lot, but James protested that there might be something good in one of them—Sirius wasn't a complete pervert, he defended, and Lily gave him a look that clearly meant that she highly doubted his confidences.

Since they had already opened everything else, Sirius' pile was all that was left. Lily wouldn't even touch the packages and had scooted far away from it (and James), leaning against the foot of Remus' bed.

James had already uncovered a pack of strawberries, which Lily glared at quite ominously, probably reminded of the day when the whole mess started. The strawberries looked harmless enough, until James unwrapped a can of whipped cream, a roll of bandages, a pair of handcuffs, and a leather whip.

Lily was now staring at the pile with killing intent. "Clearly, Potter, you have proven just how _wholesome_ your best mate's personality is," she said in a voice so icy it would put a freezer to shame.

"You just can't appreciate Padfoot's sense of humor," James argued halfheartedly, already finding it hard to defend Sirius when he himself was itching to give the idiot a good wallop.

A vein in Lily's temple twitched slightly, but she refrained from comment, choosing instead to grab her wand and raise it high above her head. She then brought it down in a sweeping motion, pointing it to the pile of Sirius' gifts. "_Incen—"_

James threw the roll of bandages at her wrist and succeeded in knocking her wand out of her hand.

"Ow! What did you do _that _for, you crude, despicable—"

The bespectacled boy quickly snatched the pack of strawberries and the whipped cream from Lily's target area, tossing them onto his own bed. "I happen to like strawberries with cream," he explained rather haughtily, as if Lily ought to be ashamed that she was going to let such a nice treat go up in flames.

Lily angrily rubbed at the small bruise James' projectile had made on her wrist. Who knew that a roll of bandages could do that much damage? Then again, nothing that could cause certain injury was impossible for such a nasty piece of work as James Potter, she thought grimly. She strode over to where James was sitting (James blanched, assuming that she was going to hit him) and picked up the handcuffs, giving him yet another of her spiteful glares. "Oh, I _suppose _all this junk has its uses. For instance, I could drag Black outside and use this to make him better acquainted with the Whomping Willow. A couple of hours of being chained to that violent tree ought to be enough to let him know how much we appreciate his…presents."

James eyed the handcuffs warily. "Now, now, there's no need to shed blood over this matter," he said hastily.

Lily whirled on him, her red locks flying as she granted him a sinister grin. "Or, I could just handcuff _you _to the Willow; I'm not picky when it comes to these kinds of things," she said almost airily, looking like she was mildly considering that idea.

"_Me? _In case you hadn't noticed, Evans, you're not the only one suffering here. Why don't _you _try putting up with Sirius and Remus' constant snickering behind your back?"

"It's your own fault that you chose them to be your best friends, so don't whine about their shortcomings to me—I'm not your bloody therapist—"

The door suddenly swung open and a grinning Sirius strutted in. "What's this? Your engagement party has barely started, and you're already thinking about a divorce?"

"_We are NOT engaged!" _Lily and James yelled as one, in unison down to the mutual glare they directed at each other.

"Whatever you say," Sirius said with a shrug, smirk still firmly in place. His eyes lit up. "Hey, did you open my presents yet?" His gaze led him from the long-suffering look on Lily's face to the offending pile on the carpeted floor. "Good! When d'you plan on using them?"

The only response he got was an enormous blob of whipped cream in his face. Lily tossed the can aside, smiling satisfactorily. "I suggest you keep them for yourself, Black, if you don't want them to go to waste. That would be quite a pity, wouldn't it?"

"Where're you going?" James called when Lily strode right past Sirius and out the door.

"Somewhere pervert-free," Lily retorted, glancing back at the cream-faced Sirius.

"Good luck," Sirius said sincerely, not at all affected by Lily's attempt to turn his face into a cupcake. He swabbed his finger across his cheek and tasted the cream as Lily's heels disappeared around the corner. "Pass the strawberries, will ya, Prongs?"

**IIIIIIIIII**

A tawny owl was the first thing that greeted Lily as she opened the door to her dorm room.

Midori looked up from the book she was reading. "Hey, you. Better grab that letter now, that poor thing's been waiting for you for half an hour."

"We tried to get it from him, but apparently he didn't want to fork it over to anyone other than the intended receiver," Raine added, showing Lily her badly scratched fingers. She scowled at the owl resentfully. Raine wasn't very fond of birds.

As soon as Lily relieved the owl of its burden, it hooted and glided toward the open window, shooting Raine a baleful glare as it went.

Raine ignored the messenger and watched Lily unroll the letter. "Who's it from, anyway? It had better be from someone important, or I'm going straight up to the Owlery to give that stupid bird a lesson."

"It's from Mum," Lily answered blankly, wondering what on earth her mother could write to her about at this time of the year. She started reading the contents, and her friends watched the interesting way her expressions changed. First, a frown, and then a look of disbelieving horror, and finally she went pale, her legs seemingly unable to support her as she staggered back down onto her bed.

Midori abandoned her book, casting it aside as she leaned forward with a look of concern on her face. "What's wrong?"

Raine approached their redheaded friend with a similar expression of worry. "Lily?"

"This can't be happening… Tell me this is all just a bad dream…" Lily moaned, casting the letter aside and putting her head in her hands.

Raine picked the letter off the floor. "Okay if we read this…?" But Lily just went on muttering despairingly to herself, so Raine glanced at Midori, who had with surprising speed managed to get to Raine's side in moments.

They held one side of the parchment each, reading through the flowery script silently.

_Dearest Lily,_

_I was very shocked when I received the unsigned letter, and at first couldn't believe my eyes – my little girl, _engaged_!!! Oh, my dear, you don't know how hurt I was that you didn't inform your own mother about a matter as important as this! But after I calmed down considerably, I began to understand and empathize with your situation… I can still clearly remember how rash I myself was, when I was head over heels in love with your father at your age… _

_But really, dear, you should know better! I'm quite sure the lucky boy who captured your heart is of perfectly remarkable character, like yourself… Of course, my little girl can only pick the best! Even so, it is too soon for the two of you to think of such a life-changing matter as marriage! No, no, you're much too young!_

_I assure you that I'm not mad, not at all! I was simply a bit disappointed that you never consulted me about this, nor even told me anything about your relationship! My child, I wish only for your happiness… I have done everything I could to give you a good life, and all I want in return is for you to share some of that happiness with me! No more secrets, okay, sweetie? You _must _introduce your fiancé to your father and me as soon as possible! You owe me that much. Don't forget, you still need parental consent if you want to marry at your age!_

_Love always,_

_Mum_

_PS He's quite a handsome young man! Please thank your friend, whoever he or she is, for sending the photo along with the letter. I'm glad you take after my good taste _

Raine finished reading (Midori had succumbed to fits of laughter shortly after the first half of the second paragraph), unable to repress a chuckle as she handed the letter back to Lily. "Well, at least we know now that your parents aren't going to throw a fit once you tell them you're getting hitched…"

"And here I was thinking that one of your relatives kicked the bucket, or something," Midori added, the corners of her lips twitching as if she were going to break into giggles again at the slightest provocation.

Lily glared at the letter, inwardly willing it to burst into flames (which it didn't). "She can't do this to me! She just _can't_!"

"Aw, Lily, you should be glad they're being so open-minded about all this! You're really lucky; not all parents will just up and agree to let you marry a boy you never told them about!" Midori quipped.

"I'm _not marrying _Potter!" Lily snapped, getting red in the face. "What kind of parent is she?! She's supposed to…to get mad, and demand to know who exactly I'm engaged to, and—"

"She already does, you know, whoever sent her that letter gave her James' picture," Raine reminded her.

"—and freak out on me! What is she on about, giving me permission to marry someone she's _never even met_—"

"Oh, I don't think she gave you permission already. Your mum said something about parental consent, didn't she? She didn't sound mad at all, though, so I reckon she'll give you two thumbs-up…" Midori said thoughtfully.

"I can't believe this! I'm only seventeen, and she's willing to give me away to just anybody!"

"That's pretty harsh. James Potter isn't 'just anybody,' even I can admit that, right, Raine?"

"Yeah… The Potters are one of the richest families in the wizarding world, old blood, and all that."

"_I won't have this!!! _If dad hears about this—"

"If your dad didn't agree with your mum, do you seriously think he'd let her get away with sending you a letter like that?"

"Oh! At least we're sure your _sister's_ going to be completely against the whole thing! Doesn't that make you feel better, Lily?"

Lily stared at Midori, who had kindly reminded her about her sister, whom Lily had loved dearly…

…until the time Petunia found out Lily was a witch, and day after day Lily had learned to detest her sister in return. Since then they always came to blows, never agreeing to any one thing and turning insult hurling into an art form. Lily's scowl deepened.

"WHAT! What right does she have to criticize who I want to marry or not?! Who does she think she is!"

Raine smiled, and Midori's eyes lit up in undisguised glee. "You mean you _do _want to marry James?" she asked as innocuously as she could.

Lily's face was extremely red (although her friends liked to think it wasn't from anger anymore, and they were probably right). "You two shut up already!!!"

**IIIIIIIIII**

"What the hell is this?" James grumbled as Sirius expertly threw a sheet of rolled-up parchment at him. He scowled, wiping off a bit of whipped cream from his cheek. Sirius didn't even have the good graces to wash his hands before flinging the damned thing at him.

"Looks like a rolled-up piece of parchment to me," Sirius said offhandedly, happily polishing off the last few strawberries in his hands.

James rolled his eyes. "Thanks, Einstein."

"What's an I-stine? Is it edible?"

"…Padfoot, go down to the kitchens, ask the house-elves for a glass of water, and keep telling them to refill it until you've consumed roughly five gallons. With any luck, that'll dilute all the sugar you ingested into your system."

"Right-o, Prongs my man," Sirius replied with a sugar-induced grin, saluting James and bouncing out the door. No doubt he would go to the kitchens, all right, but he was probably going to chug down five gallons of butterbeer instead, or something of that sort.

At least he wouldn't be in James' hair for a good hour or two. That would have to suffice. James sighed, unfurling the letter that Sirius had kindly chucked at his face, seconds before. There were strawberry stains all over the back of it now. He blinked, recognizing the spidery handwriting of…his mother? What the heck was she writing to him for?

_My dear James,_

_You have a _LOT _of explaining to do. What is this about you proposing to a Miss Lily Evans? Apparently every nook and cranny of Hogwarts has heard of your relationship, and yet you conveniently _forgot _to inform _me_? I wish you were more like Sirius! Why, he tells me everything about his girlfriends as if I were his own mum – who I would gladly want to be, considering how his real mother is so horrid to him. Now why can't you be like that? Judging from the letter I received (and I daresay it was a lot more informative than anything you have ever told me), this mystery fiancée of yours is the Head Girl. I _suppose _that's enough grounds for her to be a decent young lady, although I can't be too sure – after all, _you _became Head Boy. Oh, don't take it the wrong way, dear, you're quite marvelous; however, I do hope to have grandchildren who aren't as much of a handful to take care of as you. _

_Not that I'm saying I want grandchildren _now… _Don't you dare get the wrong idea. I want the two of you to be happily married before you do anything funny, young man. You don't want to scare off the poor girl! And she's quite a beauty too – I'm sure you'll have very lovely children Oh, what am I saying, you're _still _not allowed to do anything rash until I see you slipping the ring on her finger! _

_I want to meet her as soon as you get home for Christmas break. No excuses. Until then, behave yourself!_

_Much love, _

_Mother _

"What the… this can't be… not _mother _too…!" James sputtered to the piece of parchment.

"Prongs, what are you doing, sputtering to that piece of parchment?" a voice spoke up from the doorway. James looked up to see Remus wading through the pile of gifts on the floor. The werewolf winced as he accidentally stepped on some whipped cream.

"It's from my mother! Some idiotic prat sent her a letter about my supposed relationship with Evans!" James spat, waving the letter around furiously.

Remus stared. "…I see. Don't have a fit now, I'm sure she understands—"

"Understands? _Understands? _She practically can't _wait _until the damned _wedding_!"

"Er, right then. It can't be as bad as you think—"

"_SHE EVEN WANTS GRANDCHILDREN!!!" _

At this, Remus tripped over a box of silverware and fell flat on his face. He didn't seem to be fazed by it at all, unless kissing the carpet was _that _enjoyable that it could make him grin from ear to ear…

"And what are _you _smiling about?!" James snapped.

Remus coughed, but unfortunately it came out sounding like a snicker (which it was, actually). "Nothing…just…I'll be expecting my invitation." And then he finally made it to his bed (without tripping) and collapsed onto it on his stomach, his shoulders shaking with mirth.

James wanted to strangle him.

But first, he had to deal with the messenger who just made his problems even worse…

"SIRIUS!!!" he bellowed.

**IIIIIIIIII**

"AH-CHOO!"

"…that's disgusting, Sirius."

"Sorry," Sirius sniffed, taking the proffered tissue from Midori's hand and blowing his nose.

Midori looked down at the table, which suddenly had bits of unidentified red goo splattered onto it, and scooted her chair a little farther away. "You know, in Japan, there's this belief that when you sneeze for no reason, someone out there's thinking about you."

"Really? Some beautiful girl must be reminiscing about the most spectacular date she ever had in her whole life," Sirius said cockily, reaching for another strawberry in the humongous basket he had nicked from the kitchens.

Midori rolled her eyes. "Your arrogance never ceases to amaze me."

"Yeah, I really am amazing, aren't I?"

The Asian girl sighed, knowing a lost cause when she saw one. "I meant thinking about you in a _bad _way. Now shut up and finish those strawberries of yours already."

Sirius complied, and for a long while the only sound to be heard was him slurping up strawberries like a fruit shake.

"James must have gotten his letter by now. Ah, that must explain why someone's supposedly thinking murderous thoughts about you… I reckon Lily's still in the dormitory, furiously trying to figure out who told her mum about their 'engagement.' You didn't tell me anything about that."

Sirius started to open his mouth, thought better of it, and paused to swallow. After a moment wherein he was presumably ridding his teeth of red stains, he finally said, "Too slow." He looked pointedly at Midori.

Midori frowned at him. "Are you talking about me?"

"Who do you think?" Sirius deadpanned. If he was going to give a helping hand into this whole matchmaking business, he might as well speed things up a little. Slow games always did bore him out of his mind.

Midori smirked. "Well, if _I'm _slow, then limp turtles in a foot race are ten times faster than Lily and James."

Sirius gave her a strawberry-free smile. "Couldn't have said it better myself."

**IIIIIIIIII**

yeah, I know that prefects aren't supposed to be able to dock points, but that was during Harry's time, so as a convenient plot device, let us assume that back when James and Lily were still in school, they were allowed to do so. XD

**A/N – **A thousand apologies to whoever is reading this right now TT Yes, yes, Dimantrien sets a record! One year late! I'm so, so sorry. College is eating my brain. I just _had _to go to the premiere university in my country. Now I feel like an idiot among so many geniuses. I also have a few personal problems to deal with right now… Still, I promise that I _will_ finish this story, no matter how long it takes. Please bear with me for a little while longer. Thank you to those who understand…


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